LOST STAR
by Digs
Summary: Sirius ran away from home at 16, and everything just spirals down from there, heroin use is just the beginning, and even with his friends beside him, he can't seem to get his life under control,everything keeps going terribly wrong this year.
1. Run

CHAPTER 1

RUN

Sirius ran as fast as he could possibly can, his cold breath lingering in the chilly December air. It was during Christmas break when Sirius had found out the horrible truth about his brother Regulus… As he quickly ran out of breath, Sirius sat on the cold wet pavement on an East London street corner, he clamped his head between his knees and breathed heavily, each cold winter inhale piercing his heart like a dagger, but it was fine by him, his heart was no longer in one piece anyhow, years of confusion about his family boiled down to this one moment which happened just minutes ago;

"_Happy Birthday Sirius", Came a voice from behind Sirius's back, he quickly turned to face his younger brother, Regulus, who smiled widely at his brother and handed him a well wrapped package._

_Sirius smiled back and accepted the package, "You didn't have too Reg…"_

"_What do you mean I didn't' have too, it's your 16__th__ birthday, sure I do," Regulus nudged his head forward encouraging Sirius to open the package."Come on! Open it! "_

_Sirius happily complied and tore the wrapping, inside it was a golden mirror. "Wow, a mirror, thanks I guess…" Said Sirius, but Regulus quickly rolled his eyes at his older brother._

"_It's not just a mirror you pansy, Look," He pulled a second identical mirror out of his pocket, "I have the second one, these mirrors hold a brotherly bond, we can speak to each other through them…" Regulus smiled weakly. "We can watch over each other…"_

_Sirius snorted, lifting an eyebrow, "I see you all the time here and at school Reg… and we don't exactly watch over each other…"_

_Regulus suddenly looked uncomfortable and somewhat saddened, Sirius gazed at his brother with confusion, their silvery gray eyes meeting. "What is it Reg?" Sirius asked._

_Suddenly Regulus found it hard to explain, how do you go about telling your Muggle loving brother that you have joined the Death Eaters? That you had no choice? That it made mom and dad proud? Regulus was scared, and somehow, he hoped the tinniest bit that having his brothers support will make it all better, perhaps even make the fear vanish. _

"_Sirius…I…Ahh.." but suddenly there was a sharp pain in Regulus's arm, he felt the dark matter seeping through his veins causing his skin to prickle and swell. Sirius looked confused as his brother held his arm in pain, without even giving it the slightest thought Sirius jumped and pulled up Regulus's sleeve, he could not believe what he saw, the Dark Mark, the black serpent engraved unto his brothers arm, calling him to serve his master- Lord Voldemort._

_Sirius nodded in disbelief, "You're one of them now?", He had a sort of a manic smile smudged on his face, "I mean, I knew mom and dad were but I… I hoped, "Sirius paused and took a deep breath, "I hope too much I guess.. . You're hopeless…"_

_Regulus wanted to explain, but he could not find the words. Instead he felt rage, why was Sirius so mad at him anyway? He knew for ages that mum and dad and the rest of the family were into dark magic for centuries! In fact, Sirius should be thanking his brother for protecting him for so long! All the times father had heard rumors about Sirius befriending mudbloods in school, all the times Regulus had covered for Sirius and told his parents it was all rumors and lies, suddenly he felt cheated by his big brother._

"_I am hopeless?" Regulus said with a hint of calm anger, "What about you brother? Denying your own family heritage? And I had to cover your stupid ass all of this time!"_

"_NO ONE ASKED YOU TOO!" Sirius bellowed, "You fucked up no good death eater!"_

"_They would have killed you a long time ago! You ignorant blood traitor! I was protecting you!"_

"_I already said, NO ONE ASKED YOU TOO!"_

_Sirius grabbed the mirror in Regulus's hand and smashed it, "There goes your brotherly bond! What was your plan anyway? To spy on me with this? So your boss can hunt me down and kill me?"_

"_What's going on?" Suddenly Sirius's mother and father were standing at the door._

_Sirius didn't even think before he opened his mouth, "I tell you what's going on! You broke him! You finally made Regulus as fucked as you are! I'm tired of this! You know, dad, you're a ministry worker, do they KNOW you are involved in Dark magic?"_

_That was it, his father's eyed widened, he looked at Sirius differently now, not as a son, this was strictly business, and Orion Black meant business, and anyone who could put him or his family in jeopardy, will pay. He quickly grabbed Sirius and pinned him to the wall, "Listen to me boy, you will not ruin this for me, you will not ruin the entire Black bloodline just by simply being your usual blood traitor self! You're a child and you will listen to the grownups!" He said mockingly._

_Sirius looked his father straight in the eye, and then spat him in the face, causing him to let go._

"_Fuck you!" He spat out, it was a very Sirius like thing to do, when he was in a position of rage he would freak out on whoever was around._

_His father froze for a second, thinking of his next step, there he was, his first born son, a disappointment, a Gryffindor, he knew he was friends with the mud-bloods and blood traitors in his school house, he knew all these years Regulus was just covering for him, he knew it would come to this, he could not risk Sirius bringing down the whole family, "Crusio!" he scram, and a red light came storming from his wand, aimed directly at Sirius, Sirius moved away quickly, luckily all this Quidditch practice heightened his instincts._

_He leaped sideways and almost fell, grabbing his mothers arm. "Mum please…" he begged almost out of voice, she looked at him coldly, and shook her arm loose._

"_Blood traitor! Scum! Get out of this house!" Her voice shook and roared , she swung her wand and blew a small hole in the wall, where Sirius's name used to stand on the family tree."_

_Sirius began to run, he did not know why, but he didn't want to stick around to see what would happen next. He heard his mothers screams as he trailed down the marvel stairs, "Muggle lover! Traitor! You are no longer a son of mine!"_

There was a jolt of wind which drew Sirius out of his memories, as he sat on the pavement, tears trickled down his cheeks as he sat there, not comprehending, not knowing what to do next. He had lost everything he had ever known. He knew this day would come, as he grew older and a whole new world was opened up to him by his Gryffindor friends, a world of compassion, friendship and unconditional loyalty and love, he was indeed a Gryffindor, as now more than ever he stood for what he believed was right, but at what price? What will be of him? No money, no clothes except for those on his back.

He shivered alone, not knowing where to go next. "Never seen you here before," He heard a voice call, he looked up and saw a tall muggle boy, around 17, he wore a pair of skinny jeans and a purple neon shirt, Sirius knew this look was all the rage now with the muggles.

"Well? Do you talk kid? Ah shit, you're one of those loonies aren't you…"

"No…" Sirius said hoarsely, it's been a while since he talked, "No, I'm not, " He got up on his feet, "Just was thinking that's all." He shivered, wishing he had a coat on when he left the house.

"You're cold," The boy said calmly, "come with me I have something that will warm you up".

Sirius relentlessly followed.

"I'm chip by the way," Said the boy, he was very tall and slender, much taller then Sirius, he had a short crew-cut and was wearing a beanie on his head to keep him warm".

"Sirius…" Sirius replied.

"Sirius?!" The boy laughed as he led them into a back alley, "That's a strange name, what's it mean?"

"It mean's dog star, it's the brightest one in the sky… I guess…"

"Really?" That fact seemed to intrigue Chip, "Bright star eh? So where is it?" He looked up to the dark night sky.

Sirius looked up, "I can't find it…" he said shortly, not giving much thought into it.

Chip smiled, "So Sirius you are, the lost star, are you?"

Sirius grinned sadly, he guessed that was one way to look at it.

"Gimme your arm…" Chip said, and pulled Sirius's arm, tying a rubber band unto his upper arm, "This will make you warmer…"

As Chip injected Sirius with the substance, he could feel the weight of the world relieved from him, his head floated like a cloud and he could no longer feel the cold.

He tripped back and lay on the ground smiling involuntary.

"That's a goo'boy…" Chip said with a smile.

"Happy birthday to me…" whispered Sirius.

**Yeah I know it's long, first few chapters are like that, just for solid background story. Review please! So I can know if I should make more :) **


	2. The needle and the damage done

CHAPTER 2

THE NEEDLE AND THE DAMAGE DONE

Sirius didn't exactly know how it happened, but he slowly got used to the heroin, at first it delivered a long high, so crippling in its wonder he couldn't even move, followed by a come-down and sickness.

But these days, Sirius was up and about, getting his fix from Chip every few hours, then working at a muggle club chip's father owned, washing dishes in exchange for drugs.

He didn't care that he didn't have any money, he didn't even care school was about to start in a week, and most of all he didn't care about his family or the approaching Christmas, '_Fuck that'_ he thought, feelings are better off buried by the needle.

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James Potter was worried, he wrote Sirius several times during the holiday, wishing him a happy birthday, and at one point even begged Sirius to write him back. Each letter came back to him, not answered. He thought maybe Sirius had left to visit Remus or Peter for the holidays, only to receive owls from his two friends dismissing this theory.

There was a low knock on James's door. "Come in…" he said.

It was James's father, Christopher, he was a judge for the ministry of magic legal court, a tall well built man, similar to James, and he had raven black untidy hair and wore glasses. Poor eyesight ran in the Potter family, though none of them ever thought about correcting it with magic, glasses were a charming feature recognized with the Potters like ginger red hair with the Weasley's, and good looks with the Black's, pureblood family's all had their own "thing" in common.

"James, I saw Orion Black in the hall at the ministry…" He said calmly as he sat on the edge of the bed next to his son. James pricked his ears; surely Sirius's father would know where he is.

"I asked him about Sirius and his whereabouts, he seemed to pale when I asked…"

James raised an eyebrow, "What would make him so nervous?"

Christopher shrugged, "I don't know, but then just said he had no idea where the boy was and that if I have brains I should never ask of it or mention it again, he was pretty angry."

James looked down and did not say a word, his father clearly saw he was evaluating the situation.

"He could be in trouble…" Christopher finally said, "James, the Black's are a very powerful family, anyone who goes against them can be in grave danger, the way Orion threatened me when I spoke of Sirius, I suspect the worst…"

James looked up, "You think he killed Sirius off??"

Christopher nodded, "I find it hard in my mind a father could kill a son, unless if Sirius put his father in danger in a way that could kill the rest of the family, these are dark times James, and as a judge I know things I cannot speak of with you, perhaps when you're older, bottom line is, do you have any idea where Sirius could be?"

James was horrified, Sirius could be anywhere, in trouble, in danger, on the run, afraid to come out, he didn't know… Had no idea it was this serious, he just thought he would get back to school next week and see Sirius's smiling face telling him to sod off and that he had no time to write, but that wasn't the case, his best mate was in danger of some sort, and he had no idea where he was.

"I dunno dad…" James said hoarsely, "I really…I…" He suddenly got up to his desk and wrote a small not on a piece of parchment, then tied it to his owl, "Find him! No matter what! Do not go to his house! Just find him!"

The owl flew away…

"It's our only shot, I kept sending letters to the house, but maybe if the owl doesn't go there, maybe he can pick up on his scent of something…" James said with slight hope and teary eyes.

Christopher embraced his son in a hug as James sniffed and tears fell, he usually didn't cry, but something about what his father had said made his heart sink lower than ever before, "He's my best mate.." He said trying to explain.

"I know, we'll find him…" Said Christopher.

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"Hey lost star" Chip cried from across the kitchen, "come and get your paycheck!"

Sirius put the rest of the dishes on the drying rack and shuffled his feet towards Chip,

"One for you, and one for you…" Chip distributed the envelopes containing checks between the kitchen workers. He then looked at Sirius, shaking his leg jittery and pulling his nose. Chip chuckled at the sight, "here you go lost star, go to the bathroom and get rid of that 'cold' " He handed Sirius a small bag instead of a paycheck. Sirius smiled and took another hard snuff before storming to the bathroom where he already knew where to find a syringe and a spoon. He injected the heroin into his vein, which was already starting to turn blue-ish black and pound with pain every time Sirius used, he knew he would need to find a new vein soon. Suddenly his jitters subsided and his nose stopped running, it was pure magic as his brain went clear and he got back outside, happy to do the dishes and not wander in thoughts.

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The owl traveled throughout London, smart little creatures owls, not that we would know, but they tend to surprise, as the owl picked up on a familiar scent, it zoomed closer to the night club, the owl couldn't possibly get in, but somehow, it knew that it had arrived at the destination of the journey, Sirius Black was in there, but how could he possibly let James know?

The owl flew in closer, spotting a man handing some flyers in front of the club, it was a long shot, but that could work, the owl flew quickly stealing a flyer from the man's hand. "Hey! Bloody bird!" The man screamed. As he flew away into the night carrying "The Wave Club" flyer in its mouth.

The owl flew quickly arriving at the Potter's household; it zoomed into James's room, chirping loudly, dropping the flyer unto James's lap, James got up and read it, "Dad!" He called, "I think I know where Sirius is!"

"Well done owl, well done…"

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Sirius's work day was over, usually he slept in the storage room behind the kitchen, it didn't bother Chip, who was pleased to have a worker who would work for smack instead of money, these were hard financial times, and Chip gladly took advantage of Sirius's weak state and desire to forget. He didn't know Sirius's story, but Chip knew a sucker when he saw one. And Sirius was 'it' for now.

"Good job today mate," Said Chip as Sirius hung the last of the towels, "You're doing a tip top job here, did you enjoy your payment?" He smiled shiftily.

Sirius smiled groggily, "Does the job…"

Chip laughed, "Well how about I give you a bonus for being such a loyal employee? Meet me in the front of the club in ten, I just got something special I would like to share with you lost star…"

Sirius knew, deep down under the drugs and the buried feelings, his conscience told him Chip was using him, but he also knew that without the drugs he would be forced to re-live his lost reality. It was a choice for now, to just comfortably stay numb. So he nodded in agreement and went to meet Chip in the front of the club ten minutes later.

The club was always bustling with noise and excitement, music, alcohol, drugs and woman, Sirius spotted chip in one of the corner booths and sat in front of him. Chip smiled and signed Sirius to look down, "This right here, white china, the best of the best, pure as fuck!" He said with excitement, "Would you like to try some?"

Though not completely off his last high, Sirius agreed, as Chip handed Sirius the syringe which a moment later was dig into Sirius's arm. There was a moment of clarity, followed by pain, Sirius could feel his heart beat, his pupils widening. There was something wrong, the damage was done.


	3. Lost and found

CHAPTER 3

LOST AND FOUND

Sirius's mind was in a blur, a cloudy dizzy mush of events and memories, his heart pounded harshly in his chest as his mind screamed in terror. His pupils were dilated, so much so that chip could no longer see the gray circle around them; they just went completely black, blank.

"Sirius!" Chip shook the boy violently, "Snap out of it lost star, you're having a bad reaction to the china, come on! You can do it, snap out of it."

Sirius could feel the horrible high come down, as the pain from Chip's slaps became more potent, more real, was he still alive? He coughed and gagged, gasping for air as his vision un-blurred and he now realized he was in the alley behind the club. His heart was still pounding horribly. Chip smiled in relief, "Oh thank god, you're ok, you're okay now…"

Sirius suddenly felt rage settle in the pit of his stomach, was Chip trying to poison him? What the hell was that stuff he injected him with? "You fucking wanker! You almost killed me!" Sirius spat as he swayed, managing to punch Chip in the jaw before he fell to his knees dizzily.

Chip straightened up, wiping his bloody jaw, "Relax champ! You just weren't ready for the china, you're having a bad reaction! You should take it easy until it wears off!"

But Sirius wasn't interested, a sudden bout of reality hit him as he was panicking, "You fucking cunt, full of shit, no good ass!" He swung again, this time missing Chip completely, slamming into the garbage cans.

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James and his father apparated to the address on the flyer, sure it was given to James by an owl, but heck, this world had magic, so anything was possible these days. James looked at the front door, heard the noise and the music coming from the inside, and witnessed as two drunken teenage girls came out laughing, barely dressed in what you could call clothes.

"It's fucking December, how could they be wearing that? Or should I say… not wearing…" James said sarcastically.

"Watch your language James…" his father warned, "Focus on what we came here to do and stop looking at the half naked ladies, Marry Christmas girls…" He said with a smile as the drunken girls passed by them. James couldn't help but to snicker. His father was a true judge at heart, never assuming the worst about a person at first impression, always kind and always a good observer.

Suddenly James heard a familiar voice.

"FUCK YOU"

FUCKWAD!"

"YOU DIRTY PIECE OF SHIT!"

The rich vocabulary confirmed to James what he had thought, Sirius was close by. He ran quickly, his dad at his heels, following the voice.

Through the back alley unto the clubs back area, where James saw Sirius, he stood there for a moment, taking the situation in, there was Sirius Black, his dear friend for 6 years now, he looked incredibly skinny and pale, his clothes hung loosely on his slim body and his black hair, usually more manageable then James's own hair was now long and uneven, parts of it clamped together by lack of hygiene.

"SIRIUS!" James screamed, grabbing both Chip's and Sirius's attention, causing a sudden silence and putting a stop to the fight.

"Prongs…." Sirius whispered, his heart leaped, with joy, amazement, madness, he did not know, the drugs made sure of that. But whatever it was, it caused his stomach to feel funny all of a sudden; a bout of dizziness attacked him as he kneeled forward and threw up all over James's shoes.

James lifted one leg with disgust, letting the slimy stomach fluids to drain off his shoe. "Hey Pads, I missed you too, I guess…" He said, he didn't know why he felt the need to be sarcastic or funny right now, but somehow, it made him feel better about finding Sirius.

"Fuck's sake!" Chip suddenly yelled, his face was covered with blood, "Are you two going to take the little bastard with you? Good riddance and good luck! The little douche bag is crazy!" He leaned down to Sirius, poked through his jeans pockets and took the small bag of powder away from Sirius, "You're an ungrateful little shit…" He gave Sirius a kick which caused Sirius to get sick again and then he walked away.

James looked around, from Sirius on the floor in a pile of his own sick, to Chip, to his father.

"Muggle authorities will deal with him, don't worry James, I'll make sure of it." Christopher said, as he walked toward Sirius, he checked his pupils, wiped his face, and pulled his sleeves up, hissing as he saw the trace marks of injections. James followed his father and looked down, he couldn't believe it.

"Sirius does drugs?" He was in complete shock.

Sirius coughed without lifting his head from the ground, "I'don'feelso good…" he mumbled.

James helped his friend up, but as quickly as he did, he felt Sirius's elbow hit him hard.

"Don't touch me!" Sirius said groggily, as he lay down again.

"Sirius…" Christopher began in a calm yet firm tone, "You've overdosed, and you have to come with us now."

"FUCK YOU ALL THEN!" He screamed, but there were also tears in Sirius's eyes now, "I feel like shit!" suddenly the screaming and tears turned into full blown sobbing. James couldn't believe how erratically his old friend was behaving. In fact he had never seen Sirius cry before.

"Help me get him on his feet…" James's father said conclusively.

"But…" James wasn't sure, "He'll just scream again…"

Christopher looked at his son in assurance. "James, he is not your friend now, this is no time to think of what he wants, and he's not in good shape."

James sighed, grabbing Sirius's arm, to his surprise, there was no screaming, just quiet week sobbing. Christopher grabbed Sirius's other arm and they helped the boy up, supporting his weight, they apparated from the scene.

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They landed in a field near the Potter home. They didn't want to apparate straight to the house in case Sirius would scream and curse again and startle Mrs. Potter. But instead of screaming it seemed Sirius's body opted with fainting. Apparition was not a feel good experience, and probably felt worst for an overdosed 16 year old drug addict.

"Come on…" Said Christopher, "Let's take him to the house, your mom will take a closer look at him."

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Diana Potter was also a talented woman, married to a judge and all, she was a force of her own, a Healer at St. Mungo, often helping the people who needed it the most.

She sat on the couch of her home, sipping from a cup of tea. It was late, she knew what her husband and son went out for, and so she felt the need to stay awake in case she was needed.

Soon enough, the front door swung open, revealing Diana's spouse and son carrying a boy she thought she knew as Sirius, only she couldn't be sure, he looked a lot different then she had remembered;

The Sirius who came to visit the Potter's during the summer of last year was very easy on the eyes, a handsome boy that made it look effortless, He wasn't as tall as James but he had a very toned body, slender yet muscular, his shoulder length Black hair always perfectly managed against his face and his gray eyes always smiled, even when he wasn't smiling at all, he had a cheeky way of presenting himself, cheeky yet very charming. She understood how James and Sirius got out of trouble so easily at school, they we're indeed a charming pair.

But the Sirius she saw before her now was nothing like that, his way too long hair stuck to his sweaty face in a sickly matter, his cheek bones far more pronounced made the dark circles under his eyes look like make-up, his once muscular body seemed fragile now, as two skinny pale arms dangled as James and Christopher sat the boy down. He swung in and out of consciousness, shivering violently.

She ran over to inspect the boy, deep inside she knew he might need st. Mungo's, but she also hoped it wouldn't come to that.

Moving the boy's damp hair away from his forehead, she wasn't surprised at how cold he felt, considering the way Sirius looked, she already assumed he might be suffering from hypertension, what did surprise her though, was what she saw next; the needle traces down Sirius's scrawny arms. Diana looked at her husband and son with concern,

"Merlin's beard, "Diana said quietly, "Whatever possessed you to do this Sirius?"

James and Christopher just shrugged, but to everyone's surprise, Sirius spoke,

"Shut up," He said quietly and then coughed dryly, his felt like it has been stuffed with cotton balls, "I need a hit…" Sirius knew logic was beyond him at this point, he didn't care he wasn't being polite to the Potters, they didn't understand, the pain was already beginning to creep in, he needed a hit, and they were just standing there, talking, judging him.

"Don't tell my mom to shut up!" James bellowed at Sirius, who replied with a groan of frustration and a roll of the eyes, James's face went red with anger, he went through hell worrying about Sirius, and now that he was here, he was starting to regret ever finding him in that alley.

"Oh sod off James", Sirius said in a nasally voice, he was slowly coming off the heroin, he knew he didn't have long, his bones ached, his head throbbed, his nose was running and James was getting in his way, "Stop acting like such a cunt…"

Not even two seconds had passed since these words left Sirius's mouth before James punched him straight in the stomach. Sirius fell to the ground coughing and moaning in pain.

"Serves you right you fucking junkie!" James bellowed, "Who's the cunt now???"

"James Potter!" Christopher's voice bellowed, James turned around to face his father, as his mother ran over quickly to attend to Sirius. Christopher looked James straight in the eye as he spoke, "Listen to me boy and listen well, control your temper…"

"But…" James tried to interrupt.

"no," His father insisted on continuing, "You're 16, act like it, your friend is in pain…"

James looked over his shoulder, his mother was holding Sirius as he wrenched into a bin, looking incredibly pathetic.

"Please please help me…" Sirius cried, "You got to help me…"

But Sirius will not get the help he is expecting, little did he know, today he had taken his final hit.


	4. Like a stone

CHAPTER 4

LIKE A STONE

It has been a restless night at the Potter household, Diana was the only one among them who had the slightest knowledge about muggle drug use, she suggested to keep the matter hushed, since if the school knew this is what Sirius had done, he would surely be expelled, so instead, until they could find out more about what had happened to Sirius and how he ended up in that alley drugged up in the first place, Diana opted with locking Sirius in the guest bedroom, it wasn't an easy thing to do, though she knew it was necessary for Sirius to detox and calm down for a bit before any of them interact with him.

At first Sirius tried to scream, he banged the door, cursed, told the Potter's they had no right to do this to him, It wasn't easy for James to hear, but his mother explained to him how it works.

"What he had injected into himself, it's poison, this is his body's way of ridding it out…"

James gulped, chills went through his spine just thinking about the amount of pain Sirius must be in, judging by the sounds coming from the room, it was a whole lot of pain.

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Sirius felt as if he had been locked in that room for hours, still, the pain wasn't getting any better, but by this time he was too exhausted to scream or beg for the Potters to let him out. So he just lay there on the floor shivering in pain. He was sweating heavily, practically drenched in his own sweat, he tried to close his eyes and sleep but he was too cold, so he tried to get up on his feet, where he too dizzy and too warm, he did however, feel his sense come back, he was thinking about how horribly guilty and ashamed he is that James and his parents had to see him this way, he was thinking about his family, about his brother, it didn't help his situation.

Suddenly Sirius heard the door lock turn and the door opened slowly, it was James, looking incredibly timid. "Can I come in?" He asked.

"Sure…" Sirius said with a shiver, he wasn't mad at James anymore, though in pain, his common sense told him James wasn't to blame.

James looking down at his friend lying on the floor, he looking miserable, He sat down next to Sirius.

"Why aren't you in bed?" he asked.

"It's not like that," Sirius wiped some snot off his face, another thing he wished James wouldn't have seen, "I don't want to soak the bed…"

James gazed at Sirius with a worried look.

"Don't look at me like that…"

"Like what?" James asked innocently.

"Like I'm some pathetic git, that's how…" Sirius replied with frustration.

James wanted to answer but noticed Sirius turned very pale all of a sudden, "What's wrong?" He asked.

But Sirius just reached for a nearby bin and got sick in it. Once Sirius was done James spoke again,

"You're getting rid of the toxins; my mom says it's good if you do that…"

Sirius eyed James and caught his breath, "Yeah?" He said, "Good for who exactly?"

James rolled his eyes, "How did you even get about doing muggle drugs?" He sneered, looking at how sick Sirius looked, "Muggles are so stupid…" He half whispered.

Sirius lifted an eyebrow, "You sound like my family now…"

"You know what I mean, drugs, I mean, we don't need them…" James explained.

Sirius sighed, "How would you know who needs what? Ever tried?"

"Never needed to… don't see a situation where I would…" James shrugged.

"Well…" Sirius said as he lay back down on the floor and closed his eyes, "I have…" he took a deep breath, it was painful to remember.

"Do you want to talk about it?" James asked kindly. Sirius opened one grey eye and gave James a nasty look. "I take that as a 'no' then…" James added quickly. He was actually happy about that kind of reaction from Sirius; it was a familiar one, as a contrast to the drug behavior Sirius exhibited all night and in the morning that had passed.

"Should I leave then?" James asked hesitantly, "You look tired…"

"I am…" said Sirius, "I would do anything for a hit right now." He noticed his limbs were shaking again, and he was starting to feel a bit nauseous. He felt so ashamed, drugs we're not a common thing in the wizard world, if only he had known what it would lead to, Sirius would have never started it, but he did, and the fact was now, all he could think about was the heroin stopping the pain, he knew it was wrong, but it was just the reality of things.

James got up to leave and gave Sirius one last glance, "You sure you don't need anything?"

"Just go James…" Sirius said, he knew that in a matter of minutes his mind will be screaming for drugs, he also knew he did not need the humiliation of James witnessing that. "Lock the door too…" He added as James was about to leave.

James looked hesitant, "Are you sure? You don't look so good; you might not want to be alone and…"

"James!" Sirius interrupted painfully, "Just leave and lock the door!"

And so he did. Leaving Sirius to experience the consequences of his actions once more, He sobbed and screamed as the pain trickled through his body, he wanted Heroin so bad, but Sirius was stubborn, and deep down he knew this needed to be done, he tried to keep his mind on his friends, and school, on the Potters which he had been imposing on, all the reasons to let this poison out of his body. Then his mind wandered off to Regulus and his parents, the curses, the yelling, the fact that he had no one and no money, he would have to explain these things once he pulled through this mess, he didn't want to, he needed the Heroin to forget.

Sirius quickly got on his feet, he tried to open the door which was locked obviously, he banged on it, screaming, "LET ME OUT! Please, Please, you have to let me out!" he cried, for hours, but no response came, Mrs. Potter explained to her husband and son they could check on Sirius after he quiets down, James couldn't comprehend this, it sounded like something was terribly wrong with Sirius. But his mother insisted.

After hours of screaming Sirius's body finally gave in, he was shaking and sweating, yet he felt very cold, he closed his eyes and fell into a sickening sleep. He wished the pain away.

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Morning struck, Sirius didn't know for how long he had been sleeping on and off, but he knew it has been a while, the room smelled sour from sweat and sick. But a ray of sunlight that crept into the room and blinded Sirius awake gave away a new fact; there was no pain. Sirius couldn't believe it, it's been so long since he had been sober, and he forgot the feeling. He got up on his feet feeling a little dizzy, his arms were wrapped in bandages, and he assumed that was the work of Mrs. Potter.

He was wearing a pair of blue pajama pants and a long white shirt; both were hanging loosely on his limp body. He looked in the mirror, it has been the first time in months he had seen himself clearly, dark circles around the eyes, cracked dry lips and long sticky hair. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door,

"Yeah?" Sirius asked.

"It's Mrs. Potter, Sirius, may I come in?"

Sirius cleared his throat, "Yeah, sure…"

The door opened and Diana Potter walked in, she had a tray with some water and a few pieces of dry toast. She put it down by the night stand and addressed Sirius, "How are you feeling?" she asked calmly.

Sirius smiled weakly, "a little clammy and not so fresh, but otherwise, loads better." He let out a loud dry cough, and then looked at Mrs. Potter uncomfterbly.

"Go ahead, spit it…" She said, "It's to be expected".

Sirius did as he was told, "This is horrid…" He said quietly.

"Yes it is, but it will be over soon…" Diana smiled at Sirius, "Drink some water and come downstairs, James will be happy to see you."

Sirius suddenly got tense, "What? that's it? I'm out?" He asked confused, "Back to normal, just like that?"

Diana smiled and gave a small laugh, "Sirius…" She put a hand on the boy's shoulder, "Don't be so scared, just go downstairs, don't read anything to it…"

Sirius then realized Diana might be reading his mind better then he thought, how did she know he was scared, or better yet- why was he so scared? What was he so afraid of?

Reluctantly, he got up and headed to the living room.

James was sitting on the sofa, eating a piece of toast and reading the Quidditch section of the daily prophet, Sirius didn't say anything as he sat next to his friend.

"Why so tense?" James asked all of a sudden, peering over the paper.

Sirius chuckled awkwardly, "I dunno, detox…" he shrugged.

James sighed, "Sirius…" He said, "What happened?"

"What?" Sirius asked with confusion and coughed nervously.

James shifted in his seat looking for words, "Padfoot, drugs, you're bruised all over and no one in your family seems to recall you even exist… I'm just curious…and worried, really worried…"

Sirius recognized that James question came out of genuine care, yet when he tried to answer, no words came out, and he couldn't find the words to begin to explain how he ended up at this particular moment.

_Regulus…Death Eater… Noble and most ancient house of Black, Sirius, Gone, Mirror Broken, Crusiatos Curse, Never come back, No son of mine, All alone, Gone…Never come back…Run…_

_Gone.._

_Going…_

_Gone…_

"Pads?" James shook Sirius awake from his day dreaming, "Are you okay?"

"Uh?" Sirius shook, "Um, sure yeah… erm, Listen James, I think I'll go upstairs and lay down."

James blinked confusingly, "Oh, yeah, sure…"

Sirius was already half way up the stairs. James then knew it will be a while before he gets any answers from Sirius.


	5. Unlucky

CHAPTER 5

UNLUCKY

Three days.

Three days Sirius kept to himself in the guest bedroom, he still wanted Heroin, though the physical pain became more bearable, he still wanted to get away and forget. He lay under the covers, dreading the moment he would be forced to come outside and continue living. He knew once out he would be attacked with questions his mind could not answer, school will be starting in a few days, He would see Regulus there, and he did not know where he would go once he gets better and will be forced to leave the Potters, he had nothing left, staying in this room delayed the events that were sure to come eventually. Hiding from life just seemed easier.

Sirius covered his head with the blanket and let out a cough, he hadn't eaten much in the past days, other than light meals left for him by Mrs. Potter a few times a day; he never finished them, though he was pretty sure he was clean and off the Heroin, he felt miserably weak.

"Sirius?" Sirius suddenly heard a voice call from behind the door. He pricked his ears and realized it was Mr. Potter. "Sirius, may I come in?" The voice added, and when Sirius did not answer, Christopher just let himself in, finding Sirius as a lumpy figure under the bed covers. He sat on the edge of the bed and looked at the lump breathing heavily and nervously.

"Can you come out for a second? I want to tell you something…" Christopher asked.

The lump coughed.

"I met your father at work today…" Christopher added, gaining Sirius's attention, the boy slipped off the covers.

Christopher smiled, "I thought that might wake you up…" He looked carefully at the boy, "I know what they did to you Sirius, I had a very uncomfortable talk with your father…"

"What did he say?" Sirius asked hoarsely.

"It's more like what I had said," Christopher explained, "I dug up some information about Orion, your father, in the past few days, found out some shady business has been going on in your family."

Sirius gulped nervously, "Does he know I'm here?"

"He does." Christopher said shortly.

Sirius's eyes widened with fear, "He'll kill me off then, he would assume you know what you know because I told you!"

"No…" Christopher quickly stopped the boy, "Don't forget I am a judge Sirius, since you did not tell me anything but by your reaction and actions I can tell you know what I know, you need to listen to me now, what I am about to tell you stays between you and I only, you mustn't tell James even…"

Sirius cleared his throat uncomfortably, "I promise…"

"I cut a deal with Orion, It is not legal for me to do that but I did, to keep you out of harm." Christopher said firmly.

"What?" Sirius asked confused.

"I will keep the information I have about the Blacks to myself, as long as you are safe and not harmed. If any of your family members so much as touches you, I can destroy them with one word."

Sirius was shocked, he couldn't believe what he was hearing; Mr. Potter put his job on the line, his life on the line, for him.

"Why did you do that?" Sirius asked, feeling incredibly guilty.

"I am a man of justice, what they did to you Sirius, nothing justifies that, they threatened you, didn't they? Hurt you? That was why you left, and you, Sirius, did a brave thing by turning your back on their wrong doing and risked your life by walking away, I admire that, I know it couldn't have been easy." Christopher said.

Sirius's throat knotted up, he didn't want to cry in front of Mr. Potter, "What now then?" He asked.

Christopher took a piece of parchment out of his cloak, "Read…"

Sirius took the parchment and read it to himself;

_I_, _Orion Black, __along with my spouse, agree to terminate all parental rights I have over __Sirius Black__, _

_And agree to turn over all legal guardianship rights to __Christopher Potter, __and spouse._

_Signed __Orion Black _

Sirius looked up at Christopher and smiled weakly, "Are you serious?"

"As can be," Christopher said, "You can stay here for as long as you need, Sirius."

Sirius's smile subsided and he let out a few loud coughs.

"You've been doing that all afternoon", Christopher pointed out, "Might want to take care of that cough, you need to get back to school in two days."

Sirius was shocked, _Two days? It's been so long already? _

"I don't think I can go back to school…" Sirius said, lowering his head down.

Christopher eyed the miserable looking boy, "You have to come out sometime Sirius, you've been on drugs, you're depressed, your body is run down, you can't hide your whole life, how else will you get better?"

Sirius sniffed loudly, a few small tears trickled down his cheeks, "I don't want James or Remus or Peter or anybody to see me like this…"

"Then don't let yourself be like this, "Christopher said, putting a hand on Sirius's shoulder, "stop being afraid of what might happen and start living again, things will get easier in time if you just give it a chance and come out."

Sirius dried his eyes, it was nice talking to Christopher, he was a judge, he had seen things; he knew what Sirius had been through. Though Sirius could not explain to him his strong urge to hide and run away.

"Stop making things hard for you, and come down please," Christopher finally said, "Eat something, let's start with that…"

"I'm not hungry…" Sirius said simply and coughed. He sounded a bit more congested then when Christopher first walked in.

"Yes, you sound like you might coming down with something", Surprisingly, Christopher smiled lightly, "Poor guy Sirius, you just don't get a break these days do you? Now come downstairs, have some soup, get some fresh air, it will do you good."

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Sirius followed Christopher downstairs, he couldn't have been more surprised at what he saw, there in the kitchen, were sitting his three marauders friends; James, Remus and Peter.

"If Merlin does not come to the chocolate frog, the chocolate frog shall come to Merlin!" James bellowed happily.

"Sirius!" Remus jumped off the chair and gave Sirius a hug, "How are you doing?"

"Yeah! You look horrible!" Peter added with a cheeky smile and high fived Sirius.

Why thank you, Wormtail," Sirius said smiling, "I feel horrible" He joked.

The four boys sat around the kitchen table, there were a few moments of awkward silence, in which Sirius could feel everyone staring at him.

"So…." James opened the conversation again, "My dad says you live here now Pads…"

"Errm, Yes, yeah…" Sirius said nervously, he caught Christopher winking at him from the corner of his eye.

"Won't your parents flip?" Peter asked curiously. Remus just looked worried as Sirius stared nervously across the room.

Sirius turned to James, "You didn't tell them a thing?" he asked.

James nodded, "It's your business…"

"Tell us what?" Remus asked.

Sirius sighed; he then pulled up the sleeves of his shirt, reviling the scars and fresh wounds caused by the Heroin injections.

Peter's eyes widened, "Did your mom and dad do that to you?"

"No…" Sirius said, a bit irritated now, "No Pete, I did that to me…"

Remus looked disappointed, in contrast to Peter, he knew what the marks on Sirius's arm were, "We're your parents the reason you did that?" He asked.

Sirius looked at Remus with a look of a wounded puppy; he didn't know what to say so he just looked down and coughed into his fist nervously.

"I'll take that as a 'yes' then…" Remus said, Sirius swore Remus was too smart and for his own good, he saw through Sirius like no one else.

"Take it as whatever you like, I just don't feel like talking about it…" Sirius said, "I came down here 'cause I was told there was going to be soup…" he smiled shiftily. He felt his friends should be included in what had happened to him, but he didn't like talking about his family yet. Admitting the drug use seemed like a small step toward moving on, and that was enough for Sirius for now.

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The four boys ate lunch and then spent the whole day together, they did not talk about Sirius, instead opting for more cheery subjects such as Quidditch, School and girls, well, a girl, James pointed out he came across Lily Evans during the holiday and he wouldn't shut up about it.

Though happy to see his friends and act normal for a change, distracting himself from the latest events, Sirius did not feel completely fine, by the time the sun came down he felt his cough getting worst and more painful on his throat, his nose was stuffed and he thought a few times about asking his friends if it was getting chillier or was it just him.

The four of them were sitting in the living room, James was playing chess against Peter, and Remus was reading a book, Sirius rested his head on the sofa. Answered when he was spoke to but other than that didn't do much. He didn't want to go upstairs, the company of his friends made him feel normal again,

They made plans to go tomorrow morning to get school supplies at Diagon alley, Sirius was surprised at the realization he was looking forward to doing that, after the drugs, he thought he wouldn't look forward to anything ever again.

One of the chess players exploded as James yelled happily announcing his forth of fifth victory, Sirius stopped counting, the smoke from the chess board made his throat itch terribly and he let out a cough.

"You're okay Padfoot?" Remus asked, "That cough sounds kind of iffy…"

Sirius leaned back, "I don't know anymore…" He said with frustration, this had to be the most unlucky Christmas break he ever had or witnessed, he got himself kicked out of home, disowned from the family, experienced heroin abuse and then heroin detox, and now, the one day he was starting to get happy again, he was pretty sure he was getting sick. Maybe Mr. Potter was right, maybe the last few days did wear his body down.

"Come on Sirius," Remus said, "Let's get you upstairs."


	6. Better in time

CHAPTER 6

BETTER IN TIME

"Well?" The three marauders asked as Diana Potter came out of Sirius's room.

She smiled kindly at the boys, "He'll be fine, he's running a high fever and he feels pretty miserable, but he'll handle it."

James sighed; he was tired of seeing Sirius in pain.

"He could use some friends right now…" Diana added quickly, "I've got a hunch Sirius might be tired of being alone…"

The three marauders smiled and made their way into the guest bedroom where Sirius was lying on the bed, curled under the covers.

"Hey Pads…" James said first, Sirius opened his eyes.

"Hi" He answered miserably and coughed painfully, "This sucks…"

"We know…" Remus said kindly.

"No you don't…" Said Sirius and sat up, "You don't know the half of it…" He added sadly.

"We do know you're depressed and not acting yourself…" Remus said.

"And that you're stick thin…" Peter said.

"And you did drugs…" James added.

"Something's up…" Remus summed up.

"Sirius, are you ever going to tell us what happened?" James asked desperately, "We're worried, look at you, you know you would be just as worried and curious if it was one of us instead of you."

Sirius sighed, "I know…"

"Then tell us…" James begged.

"It might make you feel better to tell someone, you know…" Peter encouraged.

Sirius took a deep painful breath, "Regulus is a death eater…" He said, his voice shaking.

The three other marauders looked shocked.

"Isn't he too young to join?" Peter asked stupidly.

Sirius shrugged, "Not when you're a Black, guess darkness runs in the family…"

"But not in you…" Remus said and put a hand on Sirius's shoulder, "Or else why would you be here?"

Sirius paused again to take a deep breath and continued, "I found out about it on my birthday, Regulus had the dark mark on his arm, I flipped on my parents, I threatened to tell the ministry on my dad's dark activities, I didn't mean it, I'm too chicken to tell on him…" Sirius seemed embarrassed and full of remorse, "I was just being a loud mouth… My dad took it seriously though, I've never seen him so mad, and my mom…" he took another breath, trying to delay the tears, "She was even angrier, I begged her to make my dad stop, she blew my name off the family tree, said I was a disgrace… "

"Oh Sirius…" Remus said with shock.

"I think…" now Sirius voice was truly choked, he breathed heavily as two single tears fell down to his cheeks, he looked frightened, as if the whole memory just came back to haunt him for the first time since it had happened, "I think that if I had stayed there and not had ran, they would have killed me."

It has been the first time since James had found Sirius that he heard the story; he was shocked, he couldn't imagine how it must have felt for Sirius to live this nightmare all this time.

No one said a word, so Sirius continued, "and the Heroin…" He said with a sarcastic tone, "The fucking Heroin, I thought it made it go away, but it almost killed me, and then it made it even more painful since I got here and stopped using, I forgot how to deal… I couldn't deal… I still don't know what the fuck I'm doing…"

James sat down on the edge of Sirius's bed, "You're doing good…" he said with a smile.

Sirius laughed, "You call this good?" He asked.

"Yes…" James said, "You're better, better then when you left home, better then when I found you in that alley, better than a few days ago…"

"Give it time…" Remus added, "Everything gets better with time."

"Or worst…" Sirius pointed out.

"Or you'll never know if you keep up thinking like that." Remus argued.

Sirius leaned back and closed his eyes. He didn't know if he was better or worst. But he did know telling his friends about things made him less afraid. It was a relief, he had been afraid for too long.

"Who knew it would take some fever babble to make you open up Sirius…" James joked.

Sirius threw a pillow at James.

"Welcome back my friend…" said James, who for the first time since all of this began, felt like he found his best friend.


	7. Dealing

CHAPTER 7

DEALING

"You boys don't play any silly pranks on the train! We do not need a repeat of the fifth year Christmas fiasco!" Mrs. Potter said as she gave each of the boys a hug before boarding the train.

Remus and Peter smiled and nodded and made their way into the train "We'll save you guys some seats." Peter called to James and Sirius who remained behind.

Diana and Christopher gave James a hug, "You, be good…" Christopher told his son, James then made his way up to the train and Sirius followed.

"Sirius!" Christopher called.

"Go ahead, I'll catch up". Sirius told James. He then faced the Potters and smiled.

"Sirius, if something happens, we're just an owl away…" Christopher said, "You're our responsibility now and I want you to remember you can turn to us any time…"

"I know…" Sirius said.

Diana gave the boy a hug, "I want you to eat something on the train, ok? And take it easy, you're still not one-hundred percent…"

"I'll do my best…" Sirius paused and looked at the Potter's smiling faces, "Thanks…" He added with a smile. The couple smiled back and gave him a hug.

Sirius got on the train and met with his friends. He was on his way back to Hogwarts, and as the train started moving he realized that just by being there right now, heroin seemed like a distant memory, a bad dream, he was glad to be back in that familiar happy place with his friends.

He sat down next to James, facing Remus and Peter.

"Here…" Remus said and handed Sirius a small bag, "Got you some chocolate frogs from the trolley…"

"Thanks… Not that I am running low on sugar or anything…" Sirius said with a smile as he opened one of the treats.

James rolled his eyes, "Yeah, tell me about it, I can't believe how nice mom and dad are to you, I could never get away with eating ice cream and muggle pop tarts for two days straight".

"oww, Is James jealous?!" Peter laughed.

"No!" James said crossing his arms.

"Sure you are Prongs," Remus said mockingly, "You're not the only child any more…"

"You guys are the worst!" James squalled, "Besides, I don't mind Sirius, if I had to choose a brother it would have been him anyway… Definitely not you two!"

Sirius smiled too soon and James gave him a dirty look, "I'm still mad you've been getting sugar privileges I never had…" he joked.

Sirius shrugged, "What can I do? People can't say 'no' to me…"

"You're a git…that's what you are…" James mocked.

"Why thank you brother…"

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The train ride went smoothly, the four boys talked and joked most of the way to Hogwarts, feeling exited than ever to get back to school. When the train stopped, Sirius was fast asleep, he started dozing off mid way when Remus and James started talking about some boring book he never read, he wasn't much of a reader.

"Wake up Padfoot!" Sirius felt James jolt him awake, "And wipe the drool off your chin, seriously that's disgusting you fuckwad!"

They walked down the aisles of the train and almost made it out when they saw a group of Slytherins blocking the exit. Among them was Regulus Black, who went pale when he saw Sirius.

"Well, isn't it Sirius Black and his army of muggle lovers!" Lucius Malfoy said, he was the Slytherin ring leader.

"Out of our way Malfoy!" James said.

"Oh, what are you going to do if I don't move Potter? Beat me with your scrawny arms?!" Lucius bellowed and pushed James. The group of Slytherin's laughed hysterically.

James went red with anger and embarrassment, Remus grabbed him, "James, they're not worth it…"

The Slytherin's laughed again, "You four are pathetic, scrawny Potter, along with the fat coward Pettigrew, Book worm Lupin and of course who could forget cry baby Black!"

They all roared with laughter, as Lucius continued, "Yeah Black, your brother, mom and dad came on our boat this holiday and told my whole family how you ran away from home crying like a baby!"

More laughter…

"Oh no mommy help me! You pathetic looser!"

Sirius stood there for a second; taking it all in, he then swung his trunk in the air, hitting Lucius's face with it. Lucius fell down on the floor, nose broken, bleeding. As he looked up, he saw Sirius right above him, Sirius looked down, "Don't fuck with me…" he said calmly, picked up his trunk and walked away.

Shocked, James, Remus and Peter followed, leaving the Slytherin's in awe.

"What the hell Sirius!?" Remus said as he caught up, "What was that?!"

"Dealing…" Sirius said smiling slightly as he kept walking like nothing happened.

"You KNOW every person in Slytherin Is going to want to kill you?" Peter asked.

"Yes, I just don't give a shit…"

"I just got to say…" James said as he swung an arm on Sirius's shoulder, "That was bloody awesome mate…"

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As days in school passed, rumors started to surface regarding the train incident.

_I heard Black got send away from home because he almost killed his brother and then he tried again on the train and Malfoy tried to stop him and that's how it happened!_

_I heard Potter's dad convicted Sirius for assault and he keeps him in a cell in his house while on vacation, that's why he left home!_

_I heard he went looney over Christmas and started beating the shit out of anyone who speaks to him!_

_I heard they wanted to send him to Azkaban but they couldn't because he's a minor!_

Some of the rumors we're close to the truth, some we're complete fabrications, either way, Sirius didn't enjoy it. The whole school eyed him as if he was a werewolf, a crazy notion to the fact that one of his closest friends was one, yet no one knew or eyed him, well, since no one knew about it.

It was breakfast time and the four boys made their way down to the great hall and sat down at the Gryffindor table.

"Sirius, aren't you going to eat anything?" Peter asked as he piled hash browns unto his plate.

"I would, if these first years would stop staring at me while I eat…" Sirius replied and looked sideways at the first years.

James swirled his wand and raspberry jam splattered all over the first years, "there you go mate…" he said happily.

Sirius smiled, "Thank you James…"

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The marauders continued their day, January chill covering the grounds, most of the classes we're indoors, even care of magical creatures was moved inside, it felt almost claustrophobic for Sirius, not being able to step outside to the grounds, to have a quiet spot where no one looked at him made it harder to pretend things we're normal.

"We've got Transfiguration with McGonagall next…" Remus pointed out, "But we still have time to make it for lunch and grab something to eat…"

"I can't believe how hard classes are this year! We don't even have time for lunch!" Peter complained.

James chuckled, "Maybe if you stop thinking with your stomach it will make school work easier for you, what you are looking at Sirius?" He noticed Sirius glaring in the other direction, Regulus and a group of Slytherin girls we're smiling, laughing happily in the hall.

Sirius sneered, "How can he act so normal?"

James raised an eyebrow, "Are you kidding me? Did you expect it to be any different?"

Sirius paused, "No…" He said, wandering in thoughts, "I mean, yes, I mean…" he sighed, "I don't know…"

"Oh no… he's thinking…" James said, "Sirius, nothing good comes out when you're thinking…."

Remus smiled, "Would you stop eating yourself up over this? Are you ever going to accept this is how things are now and move on?"

"No…" Sirius protested, "How come he gets to flirt with girls and laugh while all I've been getting so far this year is dirty looks and people avoiding me like a rabid dog!" He paused for a moment, "I'm going to put a stop to this…" and before any of the marauders could stop him, he was already gone.

"This could end up real bad…or even worst…" Peter said.

"I'm gonna go with worst…" James added.

"Hey!" Sirius called as he approached Regulus, he was now standing so close to his brother, he could feel his breath, "Are you and you Death Eater buddies spreading rumors about me?" He asked in a threatening matter.

Regulus smiled, "I don't know what you're talking about, maybe you shouldn't have broke Lucius's nose, as far as I'm concern, it's not rumors, it's the truth…"

Sirius felt the blood rush to his head, "You dirty little fuck…" He hissed, "You know the truth…"

"I know you're barking mad, you enjoyed going against our family and you enjoy every bit of attention you're getting by going against everything, always had…" Regulus smiled meanly.

"You dirty little…" Sirius didn't even finished his sentence as he jumped on his brother, hitting him in the jaw, Regulus curled back and the Slytherin girls screamed and took a step back hysterically.

Sirius missed out on one fact when he hit Regulus, the simple fact was that Regulus had grown, he was not Sirius's kid brother anymore, he was 15 now, broad and muscular, far more strong then Sirius, who at this point was still skinny to the point of break, thanks to the Heroin.

Regulus got up, blood trickling from his jaw down, he rubbed his face and looked meanly at his big brother.

"You think you're the only one who's got an arm, you fucking junkie!" He said, walking toward Sirius, "That's right big brother, I know what you've been up too, do you think no one knows? Everybody does, a club in East London, you think no one saw you? You know our family is more well connected then that, you're a disgrace..." and with that, Regulus punched Sirius in the stomach, "You, better remember not to fuck with me…or my friends as a matter of fact, you're fucking mad, mad and pathetic, get some help…" and ending with that, he walked away.

James, Remus and Peter ran towards Sirius, they then helped him off the floor; he was still clutching his stomach.

"You're brother got an arm…" James couldn't help but to point out.

"Not…helping…" Sirius sneered, trying to catch his breath.

"You should have thought that through more thoroughly…" Remus said as he checked a bruise on Sirius's rib, "Damn, he got you good…"

"Not that he's so hard to get good, I can count your ribs Sirius, you're a bloody stick…" Peter added.

Sirius lifted an eye-brow, "Aren't you guys supposed to be on my side?"

Peter smiled, "Sure we are, it's just that you make it happen since we got to school, no one asked you to punch Lucius in the nose, or Regulus in the jaw…"

"No one asked me but I want to…" Sirius pointed out.

"But why?" Remus asked.

"Yeah, it's not helping anything, as a matter of fact, it just makes them want to torture you more…" James said.

"It's helping…" Sirius said as he finally got up straight, "I'm dealing…" he walked away.

"Sirius! Where are you going? Class is the other way!" Peter squalled.

"Not going, take notes for me…" He screamed to his friends from a distance.

"Guys…" James said as he watched Sirius walk away, "I've got a bad feeling about him…"

The other two nodded.


	8. Barking Mad

CHAPTER 8

BARKING MAD

Sirius made a habit out of skipping classes, as March approached, the weather begun to clear a bit and Sirius opted for walks on the grounds instead of going to classes, he made it to some, only to find everyone in the room staring at him, whispering and passing notes, he knew they we're all talking about him. He shared his feelings with his friends, but even they did not understand.

"Maybe if you actually showed up to classes and did school work in the afternoon with everybody else they wouldn't talk about you as much…" James pointed out.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Don't do that…" Remus preached, "You know it's true, everyone in this school has rumors told about them in some point, if you just act like none of it is true people will move on…"

Sirius sneered, "But some of it is true…"

"But all of it is the past…" James said eagerly, "You just won't move on…"

"Not until Regulus pays…" Sirius hissed angrily.

James and Remus looked at each other and sighed, "Sirius…" Remus started, "Why do you care so much about him being miserable? You're just making yourself, well…MISERABLE!"

"I'm not miserable…I'm fine…" Sirius insisted.

James laughed, "No you're not… You're scared of what everyone else thinks about you, you go madly quiet whenever you see Slytherins in the hall, not to mention Regulus, and you barely come to classes anymore, you think the teachers hadn't noticed?"

"Yeah, Pads, speaking of teachers, McGonagall told me that if I see you to tell you she wants to see you…" Remus added timidly.

Sirius sighed, "Great…." He said, "Tell her I've been missing classes because I have allergies."

"In the middle of winter?" Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Bloody hell Sirius, suck it up and go see her, don't be such a pansy…" James was getting impatient.

Sirius looked at James as if he killed his mother, well, if Sirius would have loved his mother and James would have killed her that would be the look…

He then picked up his school bag and began to walk toward the dormitory door.

"Where are you going?" James asked, "It's bloody 11:00pm!"

"Out…" he slammed the door.

"Should we go after him?" Remus asked.

"Nah," James stated, "Peter's snoring makes me want to go to sleep, besides, Sirius doesn't need us to brood, he's been doing a fine job on his own so far…Good night Monny…"

"Good night Prongs… I just hope he won't do anything stupid…"

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The Black dog roamed the Hogwarts grounds, he then arrived at the wimping willow, he already knew where it led to, the marauders made this route every full moon into the shrieking shack to help moony with his transformation into a werewolf.

He crept through the tunnel, arriving at the other end, he then slip through the door to the outside, he was now in Hogsmede. He transformed back to human form, shaking the dirt off his clothes, he walked toward the town and into the Hog's Head pub. "One shot of firewhisky please…" He instructed the bartender, who raised an eyebrow.

"Oh," Sirius said and went through his pockets, "I'm legal, see?" he handed the bartender a muggle ID, Chip gave it to him back in Christmas when he worked in the club.

The bartender complied and gave Sirius his drink.

"How come you carry a muggle ID anyway, Gilbert Stamopolis?" The bartender asked.

Sirius downed his drink, "Call me Bert, I live in London, wouldn't you carry one if you lived in a Muggle based city?"

"I guess that makes sense…Bert…" said the bartender, "So what brings you here?" he asked.

Sirius smiled, "I'm here on business," The bartender handed him another drink, "Ministry, very hushed…"

The bartender smiled, "You look awfully young to be working for the ministry…"

Sirius laughed, "I get that a lot…" He paused, "Can I get another 'round?"

"Sure…" said the bartender, "I'm Cleveland by the way, you can call me Cleve…It's nice to meet you Bert…"

Sirius sneakered, "Where did you get a name like Cleveland?"

"Was born in Cleveland, Ohio…" Cleve said.

Sirius began to feel light headed, "You mean in the USA?" He asked curiously, accepting another drink.

"Yup…" Cleve said and got a drink for himself, it was late anyway, no harm in drinking a little after a hard day of work, "My folks we're on vacation there visiting family when I decided to pop out early…" He smiled.

"I'll drink to that!" Sirius said, "Say Cleve…do you have smokes on you? I left mine in the inn…"

Cleveland searched the counter, and eventually found a carton of Marlboros, "Here you go…" he said.

"Thank you." Sirius said, lighting a cigarette, "You're a good guy Cleve…" he continued in a mumbled tone, "I might just have to visit this place more often thanks to you…"

Cleve smiled, "It will be my pleasure Bert, you're leaving already?"

Sirius sighed, "Yeah, it's getting late and I've got schoo... I mean… a meeting in the morning…" Sirius handed Cleveland the pack of cigarettes, "Here are your ciggies…"

"Oh no, don't worry about these, people forget their packs here all the time, you can keep these…" Cleveland insisted.

"Cool, thanks…." Sirius said and got up to his feet.

Cleveland laughed, "Bert, you're indeed the strangest ministry worker to ever pass this pub… You're really something… Take care now!"

Sirius winked, waved goodbye and made his way back to Hogwarts.

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"Remus! Wake up!" James shook the sleeping sand haired boy, "Moony, god I swear you sleep more like a bear then a wolf! WAKE UP!" He hit Remus with a pillow.

"W…what?" Remus squinted, "Oh James, it's you, what do you want?" he yawned.

"It's 2:30am and Sirius is not here…" James said, "I'm worried…"

Remus blinked, "Where did he go?"

"I don't know Moony, I don't tie a beeper to his neck!" James said sarcastically.

"Well then maybe you should consider doing that…Good night…" Remus slipped under the covers, he always was more tired before a full moon.

"What's going on?" Peter asked all of a sudden, "Geez, I swear you can't even get sleep in this room anymore…"

"I know, right?" Remus added from under the covers.

"You guys, really, when did I become the only sane one around here?" James asked.

"Since Sirius took a trip to wacko-sville, Remus has PMS (Post-Moon-Syndrome) and me, I'm just naturally more of a morning person…." Peter smiled.

James rolled his eyed, "Haha Peter, I swear something is off this year, you being a smart-ass, Sirius acting like a cunt half of the time, and Remus…WAKE UP!"

"What?! I did my homework I swear!" Remus woke from what was apparently a very short dream about class.

But the arguments we're cut short when suddenly the boys heard a noise from downstairs.

"Is that…" Remus wondered.

"A dog barking?" Peter raised an eyebrow.

The three boys shot out of bed and ran downstairs. They couldn't believe what they saw, there was a big black dog, sticking his head out of the window in the common room of the Gryffindor tower, barking mad.

"Padfoot!" James screamed and grabbed the dog by the back of his neck, "Down!"

The dog struggled to break free from the boys grip.

"Are you bloody insane?! You're going to wake up half the school! And how the hell are we supposed to explain a scary giant dog being here?!" James held the dog on his side and tried to surrender it.

Remus kneeled down and looked the dog in the eye, it was panting now, tongue out, "PHEW, Padfoot, have you been drinking!?"

Peter laughed, "You're joking right?"

"No, he's not, puppy reeks…" James agreed after kneeling and smelling the dogs breathe.

Moments later, the dog vomited all over James's shoes before he could move or say another word.

"Awww, Sirius!" James bellowed and shot up to his feet, "Seriously you got to stop doing that! This is the third pair of shoes of mine you've blown chunks on!"

"Brotherhood…" Remus said smiling sarcastically, "It's a beautiful thing…"

"Yeah, and yet it stinks…" Peter added, as the three of them dragged the drunken pup up to the dormitory.


	9. Scrambled Eggs w a Side of Tennis Shoes

CHAPTER 9

SCRAMBLED EGGS WITH A SIDE OF TENNIS SHOES

"Good morning sunshine!" James screamed as loud as he could into Sirius's ear as soon as the clock hit 7:00am.

Sirius groaned and opened one eye painfully, the light was blinding, and James's smug expression was sickening.

"How are you feeling Bro-therrrr….?" James cooed mockingly.

"Oww" Sirius groaned, clutching his stomach, "What smells?"

"Three pairs of vomit tennis shoes, I thought you'd appreciate the smell if you sleep with them, apparently since you think I appreciate walking in them…" James threw one shoe on Sirius's pillow.

"You're not funny!" Sirius whined, throwing the shoe off the bed and slipping under the covers, "I think I'm sick…"

James pulled the covers off his friend, "You're not sick Padfoot, just a little looney… and a lot hung-over… now get up, we've got class, Peter and Remus are already saving us a spot for breakfast."

No response.

James was starting to get frustrated, "Sirius, stop being a big baby! When are you going to start acting like a normal person again? We haven't had any fun or pulled a prank or anything since we came back from Christmas break…"

Sirius lifted his head from the pillow weakly, "You want a good prank? Take off your shoes and hand them over here 'because I'm going to be sick unless you shut the fuck up…"

"Haha, hysterical!" James yelled sarcastically, "Really Sirius, bloody brilliant, you know you are being more annoying then Snivellus Snape right now, you fucking wanker, piece of…."

But James couldn't even finish what he had to say since Sirius shot out of bed, pushed James, hand on mouth and ran to the bathroom. James could hear the sound of retching, he rolled his eyes and sighed, "Screw you Pads..." He said to himself, "I'm done…" he picked up his school bag and left for breakfast.

Sirius finished retching, he washed his face and stepped out of the bathroom, "Look James, I'm really sorry 'bout what I said, I just didn't wake up…" he paused and noticed James had left and he was standing in the room alone, "Right…" He completed his sentence to himself, sitting on the bed and lighting a cigarette.

So much for reaching out…

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"Where's Sirius?" Peter asked stuffing his face with Jam and toast.

James sat down angrily and started piling scrambled eggs to his plate, he then jabbed the food with his fork repeatedly with anger.

"Wow, Prongs! I think the food is dead already!" Remus yelped, "What are you doing?"

"Making a presentation…" James said manically, "You see… these eggs, are Sirius's brain, and this…" He began jabbing the eggs again, "Is what I'm going to do to his messed up head if he doesn't quit acting like a retarded bastard!"

Remus and Peter blinked at each other.

"I like the use of scrambled eggs as Sirius's brain though…" Remus pointed out finally, "The question is…What kind of egg you would use for my brain?"

"A hard boiled one…" James said coldly.

"Interesting…" said Remus, "And I would assume Peter would be a sunny side up?  
"Yup... "James agreed, "gooey center and all…"

James looked at his plate sadly, he then felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Remus smiling at him, "Jokes aside, we'll unscramble him somehow… Now eat your eggs…"

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Transfiguration class was usually a very easy and boring class for the marauders, since they already mastered Animagi, everything else in this class seemed minor and came easily to the boys, even Peter, who was considered the less smart one of the group.

This day class started just like any other, and five minutes after it had begun the boys already started to doze off when suddenly McGonagall said something that woke them.

"Mr. Black! How wonderful of you to grace us with your presence this morning! Late, no less, please take your seat…"

Sirius complied, walking head down avoiding the looks he was getting from the other students.

"Now," McGonagall proceeded, "If you turn your text books to pages forty five to fifty seven you'll find the material you'll be needing to write…"

"What are you doing here?" James whispered to Sirius.

"Same as you, studying, that's what we go to school for no?" Sirius replied.

"Mr. Black! Mr. Potter!" McGonagall called, "If you could keep what you have to say to each other until after class it would be greatly appreciated…"

Sirius and James complied, the rest of the class when without a hitch, as usual, the boys didn't have any problems with their assignment, turning the frogs into chocolate without any problems. Sirius was pleasantly surprised at how well he was doing, considering he had missed a significant amount of classes. The bell rang to indicate the end of class, and the boys each grabbed their school bags to head out for a free period.

"Mr. Black!" Sirius was stopped at the door by McGonagall's call.

Sirius looked at his friends, "Go ahead, I'll catch up with you guys later…"

James looked disappointed and angry with Sirius; as if he thought Sirius was going to get exactly what he deserved, "Good luck." He said shortly and the three marauders left the class room, leaving Sirius alone with McGonagall.

"Please take a seat Sirius…" McGonagall said, Sirius was surprised by the use of his first name by his house teacher.

"You've been missing classes," She said simply, "As head of Gryffindor you can see why that would be a concern for me…"

Sirius cleared his throat nervously, "Yes…" He said.

McGonagall eyed the boy, he looked different then she had remembered from years before, for five consistent years McGonagall has been giving Sirius and the rest of the marauders detentions for violating school rules, pulling pranks, roaming the grounds, but they always made it to class, always seemed to enjoy school work to some extend since it was so easy for them, Sirius always looked happy and nonchalant even when punished, he was always a dashing looking boy, but now standing in front of her, she just saw a sad young man, skinny and pale, long haired and untidy, a mess in compared to the years before, he did not seem happy or well at all.

McGonagall sighed, "I'm going to get straight to it, your grades have been slipping, I've tried to ignore it for a while, hoping it's just a phase and that you'll come around with the help of your friends without school intervening, but the other teachers are starting to complain, Slughorn said you got in a fight with two of his students, one of whom is your brother, Regulus…"

Sirius opened his mouth, he felt cornered, like that day James asked him about his family after detoxing from Heroin, no words came out. Only today he couldn't run upstairs and hide under the covers.

"Is it anything you would like to talk about?" She asked the boy after realizing something was obviously bothering him.

Sirius nodded in disagreement.

"Do you want to talk about why you haven't been eating your meals or doing your school work?"

Still no reply.

"How about telling me why I haven't seen you in detention lately, no pranks this year?"

Sirius lowered his head and snuck a look at McGonagall, "I don't know…" he said hoarsely.

McGonagall sighed, she was obviously not going to get answerers from the boy, "Sirius, this is a warning and a request, the warning is, if you continue to cut classes I will be forced to notify your parents and take actions, you might be expelled, I will have no choice, this is not a bed and boarding, this is a school, and the request is…" She paused and looked at the pitiful being in front of her, "Is that if you feel something is going on, please come tell me, and I will do my best to help you…"

Sirius nodded in agreement but said nothing.

"You may go." She said. And Sirius shot off his chair and left.

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Sirius met with his friends outside, they we're sitting under a tree near the lake, talking happily.

"So, how did it go?" Remus asked.

"Great…" Sirius said as he sat down and lit a cigarette, "Just great…"

Peter raised an eyebrow, "You smoke now?" he asked.

"Seriously Pads, that's disgusting" James added meanly.

"Calms me down…" Sirius said shortly.

"Calms you from what?" James asked angrily.

Sirius eyed James, "Don't try to head shrink me James…" He warned, "It's just a cigarette, get over it."

"How am I supposed to get over my best friend, who is like a brother to me, self destructing himself into a pile of nothing?!" James yelled.

Sirius got up to his feet, "Look James, I'm trying! I came to class didn't I? All I'm asking you is to be patient and cut me some slack, but you can't even do that without busting my chops!"

"What am I supposed to be patient about? Heroin? Alcohol? Nicotine? Vomit on my shoes? Violence?" James bellowed.

"No one asked you to watch!" Sirius replied in defense, "It's my business!"

And with that Sirius walked away.

James sighed.

"You know he's going through a hard time, we got to watch over him James, don't give up on him, you're the closest thing to family he's got, that's why he's giving you so much attitude."

James rolled his eyes, "And what am I? My brother's keeper?"

Remus smiled, "Nice analogy, and yes, for now, you are all he's got."


	10. Real Good at Hitting Things

CHAPTER 10

REAL GOOD AT HITTING THINGS

It was the night of the full moon, and Remus Lupin felt horrible, James was running late from Quidditch practice and Peter was getting school help in the library from one of the Ravenclaws.

He was shaking terribly, there were still three hours until his transformation, but he always felt it as it crept up his spine and into his mind like poison taking over him.

He could hear Sirius enter the room. He winced in pain.

Sirius found Remus and sat on the edge of his bed. "You okay Moony?" he asked.

"No…" Remus said shaking, "It's a bad one, James said you guys will meet me up an hour before transformation to go to the shack, but it hit me early today…"

Sirius wiped the hair away from Remus's face, reviling the manic eyes, panting like a rabid animal.

"Try inhaling a deep breath through your nose and exhaling through your mouth…" Sirius said, "It helps the pain…"

Remus closed his eyes and did as Sirius told him to. A few minutes later he spoke again.

"Thank you Sirius… This helps…" He said smiling weakly.

"Yeah, well I learned a trick or two when I was coming off the Heroin… Thought it might apply to your situation as well…" Sirius smiled, "James and Peter are late, do you want me to take you to the shack? Padfoot can handle you…"

Remus nodded in agreement, and the two boys made their way to the shrieking shack.

James and Peter arrived to the shack a little while after, right before the transformation, Padfoot, the dog, was lying on the sweaty boy, keeping him warm and calm.

"Sorry we're late mate, school stuff…" Peter said.

"Its okay guys…" Remus replied weakly, "Sirius took care of me… You guys better transform too, I feel it's almost time…"

James and Peter nodded and each transformed into their animagi form. And the four boys spend their usual night at the full mood, as wild as can be.

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Morning had broken and Sirius felt a shake on his shoulder, he opened his eyes and saw James smiling weakly at him, "Come on Pads" He said, "Let's get to class before Madam Pomfrey shows up to pick up Remus to the hospital wing…"

Sirius nodded and got up, he was surprised James was being nice to him after yesterday's fight, but he complied.

The three walked back to the castle without saying a word, it was too early and they we're too tired, it was at breakfast that James finally spoke.

"Sirius…" He said, "I'm sorry I've been so rough on you, what you did for Remus last night… It shows me that my best friend is still in there somewhere, I will try to give you more space next time before I flip on you…" He smiled.

Sirius smiled back, "Thank you James…" He paused, "and I'm not 'in there somewhere', I'm still the same guy… Just been a rough few months, you know…"

"I know…" James smiled, "Well, as long as we're on good terms, I can tell you that yesterday I was accepted as Quidditch team captain!"

Sirius laughed happily, "No way! That's wicked Prongs!"

"Thanks…" James said, "And I've been thinking maybe you would like to try out for beater position? Carl got injured in the last game and we need someone to fill in, and you're real good at…hitting things…"

Sirius chuckled, "Yeah, sure…"

"Great!" James said happily, "Try-outs are today afternoon, meet you there…"

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That afternoon, the Gryffindor quidditch team met up at the quidditch field, joining them we're about fifteen other Gryffindors trying out for the Beater position.

James explained to all of them how it will work, he then flew up his broom and tested each one, taking notes. Most of the students we're pretty standard, no special skills, the ones who stood out we're Robert Malone, a fourth year who was big enough to be mistaken for a seventh year, he was so well built that even when hit by a boulder he didn't budge from his broom, and Sirius, who despite his small frame had great reflexes and seemed to avoid every boulder from hitting him, while swinging at them with amazing accuracy.

"Good job everyone!" James said as they all flew down to the ground, he passed by Sirius, "You we're amazing…" He whispered in his friend's ear.

"Okay!" James said to the group, "I think we got our new beater!" but before he could announce Sirius's name, one of the team members, Julia Acerman, ran over and whispered something in James's ear.

James eyed Sirius in shock; he then looked over between all the players and students, as if he was processing some important information, "Malone!" He said finally, "Welcome to the team…" Everyone clapped their hands and cheered, "Way to go Robert! Yeah!" they yelled, all except for Sirius, who threw his equipment to the ground and walked away, James left the mayhem and ran after his friend.

"Sirius!" James screamed as he tried to catch up with his friend, "Come on Padfoot wait up!" he begged, finally catching up, "Sirius, I wanted to pick you…"

"So why didn't you?!" Sirius finally snapped.

James sighed, "Regulus is Slytherin's new beater…" he said shortly, hoping Sirius will understand, but he didn't.

"So?" Sirius asked angrily.

James stuttered, "Well, I thought since you we're so mad at him, you wouldn't want to see him, or maybe you might try to hurt him in the middle of a game, It's a bad mix…"

"So you thought to yourself, that once more Regulus should continue living like normal and I can just watch from the shadows? I wanted to play James, I really did…" Sirius said earnestly, "And you think I would compromise the game in order to take a swing at Regulus?!"

James felt uncomfortable, "Sirius, you've been acting erratically, I can't take any chances…"

"Fine…" Sirius said, he looked deeply hurt, "Don't trust me then… "

Sirius walked away and disappeared in the distance, "Damn it…" James said to himself, feeling really bad about what just happened.

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Sirius went to Hog's head pub that night and had a few drinks with Cleveland, he went there whenever he was upset with his friends, like the heroin, alcohol gave him relief from his thoughts and hurt, only it was more temporary and more manageable.

Once he had left he realized it was freezing outside, the bones in his arms were throbbing, and he walked as fast as he could back to the castle.

He sneaked upstairs up the Gryffindor tower, still a little bit drunk, but not too bad, once he reached the warm common room, he was deeply relieved. He did feel his nose tickle though, so he let out a loud sneeze.

"Caught a cold?" He heard James's voice; he then appeared from behind one of the chairs.

Sirius sniffled, "Nah, it's just real cold out… What do you want?" He was still upset with James.

"I was waiting for you to come back… Robert got his knee hurt at practice today, you're in…" James said simply.

Sirius rubbed his arm and looked suspicious, "I don't need to be your stand in out of pity…" He said, rubbing his hands together to get them warm.

James rolled his eyes, "No pity, you we're the best player in the bunch… Do you want to play or not?"

Sirius processed, "Yes…" He said finally.

"Good…" James said getting up on his feet, "Now go sleep off the alcohol, I can smell you've been drinking again, and don't let me down tomorrow…"

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It was 4:00am and James Potter was lying awake, Sirius has been rolling around, moaning in his sleep, keeping him awake.

"You better get some sleep if you want to function in the game tomorrow…" Remus Lupin said all of a sudden; apparently Sirius woke him up as well.

"Why won't he calm down?" James asked, he sounded tired.

Remus got up to his feet and yawned, he then approached Sirius's bed.

"He's been drinking… and walking around in the cold… It was freezing last night, think that has something to do with it?" James tipped Remus off.

Remus placed a hand on Sirius's forehead, "Makes sense, he's a little warm…" he then took a look at Sirius's arm, "His arm looks iffy, weird…"

James rolled his eyes, "He gets sick too much this year… Damn alcohol and cigarettes and heroin or whatever it is he does to himself these days…" he sighed, "I'll let John Peck know in the morning he's replacing Robert Malone in the game…"

Remus looked at James reassuringly, "You're doing the right thing…"

"Yeah yeah…" James said, "Just do me a favor Remus, and don't wake him up in the morning until I'm out of here."

Remus laughed, "I'm on it…" He said, "Now get some sleep… you can use my ear plugs…"

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Sirius woke up that morning to complete silence; he was surprised there was no post Quidditch buzz.

"Eh," He pulled himself up, "What time is it?" He asked Remus, who was the only one there.

"9:30…" Remus said shortly.

"What?!" Sirius shot out of bed, "I'm supposed to be playing in half an hour!" He started to get dressed, ignoring his throbbing arm, completely dismissing it as a side effect of the cold air of last night.

"You're not playing Sirius…" Remus tried to explain calmly but Sirius cut him off.

"What do you mean I'm not playing? Did James ditch me again? That wanker!" He said and sniffed.

"No Sirius, you had a fever last night, you seemed really uncomfortable, James can't let you play sick…" Remus explained.

Sirius paused, "But I'm fine now…" He said.

"Are you trying to convince me or yourself?" Remus asked with a raised eyebrow.

Sirius groaned in frustration, "Again with the head shrinking questions!" He finished getting dressed and ran out the room.

"I tried James, I really did…" Remus shrugged.

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Sirius ran as fast as he could out to the Quidditch field. He then made a sharp turn into the Gryffindor dressing room. He reached James; put both hands on his knees, kneeling to catch his breath.

"Let…me….play…" He proclaimed, out of breath.

James stood there dumbstruck, "You we're sick…" he said very confused from this last minute turn of events.

"Fine now…" Sirius said, gasping, finally getting some air into his lungs after the long run, "Let me play…"

James, still very confused, processed what was happening, "You were tossing and turning and moaning and whining… you had a fever…" He tried to explain, "I gave the job to Peck!"

"Peck?! He stinks!" Sirius protested, "I was drunk! It was cold out, I wasn't sick, I was out of wack! I'm fine now; I can win this for you! Let me play!"

"Who just goes in and out of wack like that?!" James asked, still very much shocked.

Sirius grabbed James by the shirt, "Who cares?! I'm here now, I'm better then Peck, I'm your best friend and your best chance at winning, Regulus is a good beater James, I know his moves! Now cut the crap and let me play!"

James went silent for a moment, "Fine, you're a little loopy Padfoot, but fine, I'll go tell Peck he's out and you're in, get dressed…"

"You won't regret this!" Sirius called after James.

"Don't make me then…" James whispered to himself.

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"It's mid game and the score is 60-40 Gryffindor. But Slytherin is not too far behind so anything can happen!" The announcer screamed.

Surprisingly, the game was going extremely well, the Gryffindor team worked fantastically together and Sirius did a great job at blocking the boulders, he anticipated Regulus's every move so far, and managed to hit the Slytherin chaser so strong, they had to pull him out of the game and use an understudy. James was starting to feel very glad he had listened to Sirius and let him play; he didn't let him down and kept his promise to help the team get the win in this important game.

Sirius was standing guard up high; all seemed well, the boulders he had sent seconds ago down with a swing at the Slytherin team still flew around the Slytherin side of the pitch. It was extremely cold up there though, and it took it's toile on Sirius, he was starting to get dizzy and his head pounded violently. His arm also caused him a tremendous amount of pain but he chose to ignore it.

"Sirius! Look out!" He heard James scream, he barely made it before the boulder hit, but luckily it just made it to his shoulder, which he rubbed painfully, watching Regulus laugh as he flew down to give the boulder another hit.

"Are you okay?" James asked as he flew by.

"Yeah, fine…" Sirius lied, "Go get that snitch and end this game will you?" he smiled.

James nodded and flew away.

Meanwhile, Sirius saw the boulder come toward him again; and again, he barely made it. He knew he had to put an end to this, and the only way to do that was to put an end to Regulus before he did the same to him.

He flew down, thankfully he was better at navigating a broom then Regulus, he reached down before him, hitting the boulder with all his strength and accuracy. Regulus circled the air, but he couldn't avoid the hit.

"And Black get's a nasty hit from…Black!" The announcer said.

But the happiness didn't last long, as Regulus regained control over his broom, head bleeding, he hit another boulder straight at Sirius, who dove so fast down, he almost hit the ground.

"It seems the Black brothers forgot there is a game going on and they are playing a game of their own now, entitled 'Catch my brother' ! " The announcer joked.

But it was no joke, Sirius and Regulus we're ignoring everything around them completely, hitting each other blindly, finally, high up in the air way above the other players, they had reached a dead end, no boulder in site, they each held on to their bats, mad looks in their eyes, they flew toward each other.

"SIRIUS, No!" James yelled. But it was too late, the two brothers were so close they could smell each other's sweat, they did not see the boulder coming, when they finally realized what was happening, Sirius, who was the quicker one, pushed Regulus to gain speed as he avoided the boulder, which hit Regulus so hard his broom broke, but Regulus didn't give up, he hung to Sirius's shirt, dangling in the air by a thread literally.

"LET ME GO!" Sirius yelled.

Regulus looked at his brother manically, "If I'm going down, you're going down with me!" he then pulled Sirius in a last effort, it worked… Sirius and Regulus plunged down, hitting the ground.

"Fuck!" James yelped, he flew down, this game was over anyhow, everyone in the stadium stood in shock, screaming, and all the team members of both houses flew down to the ground to check on their injured team mates.

James landed and ran over to Sirius, who in contrast to Regulus, who lay limply on the ground unconscious, was trying to stand up, with not much luck; _At least he's awake… _ James thought.

"Sirius!" James tried to help his friend up, but with no luck, "I think your leg is broken, and your shoulder looks like it popped out…" he observed, "What the hell we're you thinking!?" he then couldn't help but ask.

Sirius groaned, "It was him or me…" he was sweating from the effort.

"Him or you?! Him or you?! He's lying on the ground and they can't wake him up! He could be dead! You promised me Sirius! You promised you wouldn't let this crazy spree of yours get in the way of your game!" James was screaming madly, he had never felt so angry or betrayed in his life, "Not only did it get in the way of the game, THERE IS NO FUCKING GAME! AND REGULUS IS A BLOODY MESS! YOU PROMISED!" He shook Sirius violently, and then threw him to the ground.

"James…I…" Sirius tried to explain, but the pain got the best of him, he just lay there, panting.

James looked at his friend, though mad, he kneeled toward Sirius and examined him, he then placed a hand on his forehead, he rolled his eyes back, "You're sick, you're fucking burning up! You're a liar and you're sick! Damn it Sirius! How could you lie to me and play like this?! No wonder you almost killed your brother you're probably delirious!"

He helped Sirius up to his one good leg and shuffled their way to the hospital wing.

James mumbled to himself and to Sirius the whole way;

"I say 'you can't play you'll kill your brother' you say 'let me play!' "

"I say 'don't drink' and you go drink…."

"I say 'you can't play, you're sick' and what do you tell me? That you're out of wack!"

"I say 'don't let me down…don't do anything stupid!' and look at you, fucking broken and delirious doing every stupid thing written in the book of stupid written by…fucking stupid!"

"Here!" he finally stopped as they reached the hospital wing, threw Sirius on a bed and looked at madam Pomfrey, "He's yours now, good luck, be careful, he lies and he bites…" he then gave one last glance toward Sirius, who was panting and was still very sweaty and apparently ill.

"I hope you feel like shit!" James said, "I really hope you do because you deserve it! You brought this on yourself just like everything else this year! And I'm done with you and your self pity destructive ass behavior!" and with that, he stormed out, leaving Sirius completely stunned.


	11. It Just Is

CHAPTER 11

IT JUST IS

Disappointed, ashamed, bruised, delirious and broken, those were just a few of the ways Sirius was feeling at the moment. He was a liar and he knew it, he wasn't even being true to himself, everything he was doing and saying was a lie, so much so, that he didn't even know what was the truth anymore.

Who was Sirius Black? He used to be a pureblood noble decent of the house of Black, a loyal Gryffindor, a talented secret Animagi, a friend, a prankster, all of which were no longer true.

So who was Sirius Black?

An orphan?

A junkie?

A liar?

Traitor?

Depressed?

Confused?

Scared…

Definitely scared. He was still- A lost star.

"Sirius?" He heard a voice and opened his eyes, it was Madam Pomfrey, she put a wet towel on his forehead. He groaned.

"I took care of your leg and shoulder while you were unconscious; I want to talk to you about something, may I?" She asked.

Sirius nodded.

"You have an infection, it made you very sick, the source seems to be an old bruise on your arm, it was healing fine apparently but somehow got infected along the way, did you not feel pain in your arm lately?" she asked.

Sirius nodded in disagreement, pain, what was pain anyway? He though, this whole year was painful, surely a little sore arm couldn't matter that much.

"Well then…" Pomfrey continued, "I wanted to ask you another thing, you seem to be very underweight, there are traces of alcohol and nicotine in your blood, and the bruise on your arm, though old, looks like something inflicted by drug use…"

Sirius closed his eyes and said nothing, not now, not today, he thought, he was clean, how could the heroin come to haunt him now after so many months? How could he not notice his arm getting infected? He remembered what James had said before he left yesterday;

"_You brought this on yourself just like everything else this year"_

"_You're sick, you're a liar"_

He was a liar, so much so that he fooled himself, he deserved to die.

"How's Regulus doing?" He asked weakly.

"They had to take him to st. Mungo's. He got hurt really bad but they say he's stable now…" Pomfrey said, "Quidditch injuries can be horrible, you two are lucky to be alive…"

Sirius rolled his eyes, _Horrible,_ he thought, _it can be horrible if it's on purpose that is._

"We can talk some later, get some rest now…" Pomfrey finally said when she saw Sirius wasn't up for talking.

But Sirius was up for talking, just not with her, he wanted to see James, tell him he was right, that he was sorry, he didn't know how to go about doing that, he just felt that he needed to.

He drowned into a feverish sleep.

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"We should go see him…" Remus pleaded with James.

"No…" James said coldly, burying his head in a book.

"James…" Peter began but was cut off quickly.

"No…" James said once more.

Remus sighed, "He's in trouble…"

"He's not IN trouble, he IS trouble!" James corrected, "He's a loopy liar and it's beyond my powers to fix him!"

Remus sighed, "James, he fucked up a Quidditch game, he didn't blow up Scotland! Don't you think you're taking this too far?"

James gave Remus a dirty look, "He lied to me! About everything! Every single thing he said to me this year, and I believed and tried to help him, it was all a lie! Regulus was playing Quidditch! Sirius was playing "Kill the brother"! Now Regulus is in the hospital! And Sirius is napping happily in the hospital wing, you think that's fair?"

Again, Remus sighed, "Is it fair I'm a werewolf? Is it fair Sirius's parents hit him with the crusiatus curse? Is it fair that boy on the streets of London worked Sirius for Heroin?" He paused, "Life is not fair James, it just is… and you deal …"

James processed what Remus had just said, "Why do you do this to me Moony?" he asked.

"Do what?" Remus asked back innocently.

"Make everything that's not ok sound ok…" James explained.

"Because I never forget the truth…" Remus replied.

James raised an eyebrow, "That's it?" he asked.

Remus smiled, "That's it…"

"I don't get it…" James said.

"You will…" Remus smiled, "Can we go see Sirius now?"

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Sirius was sitting on his hospital wing bed, his bones we're no longer broken, other than a few scratches and bruises, his arm was wrapped in bandages, it was still swollen but significantly better, magic surely helped in the healing process. He was building a tower of exploding cards, staring into space, and thinking.

"Black!" he heard Madam Pomfrey call, "Visitors…"

Sirius looked up, James, Peter and Remus entered the hospital wing, Sirius didn't smile, but he was sure his eyes told a different story, he was extremely happy to see them.

"How are you feeling?" Remus asked, opening the conversation.

Sirius shrugged, "Fine, loads better actually…" his gray eyes seemed to almost pop out of their sockets, why was he so nervous?

Remus smiled, "Good, happy to hear, do you know what you got?"

"What?" Sirius asked confused.

"What do you have? James said you had a high fever, what caused it? A bug? Flu?" Remus explained.

"Oh…" Sirius said, looking at his wrapped swollen arm, "Infection…"

"I had an ear infection once, it sucked…" Peter said nervously, he became extremely nervous around Sirius since all of this had started.

"So…" James said coldly and sarcastically, "Is your ear infected?"

Sirius looked around the room, from Remus who seemed to feel sorry for him, to Peter who was completely frightened of him, and to James who just seemed to hate him deeply.

"No", he said finally, "The bruise on my arm got infected and made a whole fucking bloody mess…"

James rolled his eyes, "Figures… Junkie…" he sneered.

Sirius looked up at James in a '_Why the hell did I deserve that now?_' kind of look.

"James!" Remus yelped, "Sirius has been clean since December! It's not his fault! It could have happened to anyone of us!"

"No!" James bellowed, "It could have happened to fucking junkies who substitute Heroin for mind numbing Alcohol and are so fucking out of it all the time that they don't even realize that their arm is fucking about to explode!" He caught his breath, "It could have happened just to you, Sirius…"

Remus and Peter exchanged looks.

"I deserve that much I guess…" Sirius said in shame, "What do you want me to say James?"

James went quiet, "I don't know…" He said very calmly.

Sirius looked at James, his grey eyes wet with unshed tears, "I don't know either…" he whispered.

Suddenly the hospital wing door flew open, "Slowly…" they heard madam Pomfrey say, "Walk slowly…"

They then saw who the unexpected visitor was, it was Regulus Black, bruised and broken, barely able to walk, face swollen to the point where his eyes were completely purple and shut.

"Wow..." Peter said, "You really messed him up…" he looked shocked.

Sirius gulped nervously.


	12. I Pulled Him Down

CHAPTER 12

I PULLED HIM DOWN

The four boys stared as Madam Pomfrey led Regulus into bed, he managed to get up, but other than that it seemed the boy was pretty much hopeless. Pomfrey settled him in and then turned to the boys.

"You boys can stay, but please try to keep it quiet while he is asleep…" They nodded in agreement, she then looked at Sirius, "Why are you sweating? Are you feeling feverish again?" She asked.

"No…" Sirius said, turning an alarming shade of white, "I'm fine…"

"Well, you look kind of peaky; maybe you should get some rest…" She then walked away.

"Sirius, really, are you okay with this?" Remus asked.

Sirius smiled ironically, "Do I have a choice? At least he's getting better or else why would they bring him back here from St. Mungo?"

"You don't look fine with this…" James stated.

"It will be fine…" Sirius felt very nervous all of a sudden, guilty to the core, "You guys should go…"

The three complied and left.

As they stepped out of the hospital wing at first they said nothing, they didn't know what else was left to say, James was mad, yet torn as he wanted Sirius back, the way he was before, as time went by he started to believe that would never happen.

"He's not fine…" Peter said.

"He's never fine anymore…" James replied, "I keep hoping that the next time I'll see him he'll be fine, but every time he just seems to plunge deeper in his own shit…"

"Nice metaphor…" Remus said, "So what are we going to do?"

James sneered, "Nothing…What else can we do?"

"We can't give up on him…alone in that room with the brother he hates and almost killed…" Peter stated.

James sighed, "It doesn't sound good when you say it like that…"

"It doesn't sound good no matter how you say it James…" Remus stated.

James thought for a second, saying nothing.

"What are you thinking about?" Peter asked.

"Nothing…" James said, "Nothing yet anyway…"

"It's the quiet before the storm…" Remus said with a slight smile, he knew James was thinking ahead, he always did.

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Sirius stared at his limb brother; he slept most of the time, only waking up to take potions from Pomfrey, he knew he was going to be okay, but still, thoughts of the event at the Quidditch game haunted Sirius, that fetal day, he and Regulus in mid air, could he had killed him that day? It could have easily ended that way. Sirius was just lucky his brother was still lying alive next to him, one different move could have changed that, he wasn't thinking. He sighed; the matter of fact was he hadn't thought things through for a long time now. He hated what he had become.

He heard fade noises from behind the door, talking, frantic screaming, something was going on, he recognized the voices as they got closer, his heart started to pound loudly as he looked around the room for a way out, there was none, no running away this time.

The doors opened, revealing the owners of the voices- Sirius's parents.

"My baby!" His mother cried and ran straight to Regulus, ignoring Sirius completely; she leaned to Regulus's bed and began sobbing.

Sirius's father was still talking to Madam Pomfrey, "Can we have a moment alone with our sons?" He asked her in fake kindness Sirius recognized only too well, she nodded and complied, Sirius felt his heart sink to his stomach; they had him alone now…

Orion Black then looked straight at Sirius, like a lion hunting it's pray, he walked slowly toward the bed, Sirius shot up to his feet, he didn't know what he was doing, but he knew he wanted to stand upright for this.

"Sirius, Sirius, Sirius…" Orion hissed, "What have you done this time you stupid boy?"

He kept walking closer and closer, finally cornering Sirius to the wall. Sirius panted fearfully, he was going to kill him now, he was sure of it.

"I…I didn't mean too…" Sirius finally said, he felt like an idiot, he wanted to say something brave, but instead his guilt and fear got the best of him and that was all he could come up with.

"You didn't mean to, did you?" Orion lifted one hand placing it on Sirius's neck, squeezing him against the wall. "Like I don't mean what I'm doing now?"

Sirius gagged for air.

"That's right boy, choke, for all the pain you caused this family, choke on it now, feel one ounce of the pain you caused your mother, your brother, but not me… You can't touch me, you little prick…"

Sirius felt his lungs spasm as his airways shut, this was it, he was going to kill him, Sirius had just delayed his faith that Christmas, and now, his father will finish the job, right there in Hogwarts, he was a powerful man, he will find a way to cover it up.., Nothing mattered, nothing at all, it all went blank…

"STOP!" There was a scream from the entrance, Orion turned around, letting go of Sirius, who collapsed on the floor, gasping and gagging.

"Do not dare touch him, Orion! We had a deal!" Christopher Potter said.

Sirius was shocked, looking between his mother who was still holding on to Regulus but looked frightened and teary eyed, to his father who was red with rage, and on the other side was Christopher, who looked calm yet strong, as usual.

"FUCK YOUR DEALS!" Orion yelled, "HE TRIED TO KILL HIS OWN BROTHER!"

Sirius looked at Christopher, "No!" He yelled franticly, "It was an accident, I didn't mean to…"

But he was cut off by his father, "Didn't mean to?! I know what you've been up to boy; you're a no good drug addict!"

"No! No!" Sirius yelled, "I stopped! Mr. Potter, please believe me! He's lying…" Sirius begged.

"Look at you, you little bastard! Get up and look at yourself; you ungrateful, pitiful shit!" Orion pulled Sirius to his feet, which caused him to scream in pain as his father grabbed his bruised arm and tore the bandages off it; revealing the blue infected wound.

"That's enough!" Christopher said, "Orion, let me deal with him, we had a deal…" He said coldly and looked at Orion in a threatening matter. There was a moment of silence and understanding between the two men.

"Fine…" Orion said, "He's your problem now…"

Christopher nodded and helped Sirius out of the hospital wing.

Orion then turned to his wife and second child.

"I'll get him, once that muggle loving judge will not be around, he'll get what he deserves…" Orion said coldly.

But suddenly, Regulus, who appeared almost non responsive until this very moment spoke;

"Leave him…" He said weakly.

"What?" Orion asked as he knelt toward his son.

Regulus opened his swollen eyes, "Leave him alone, dad…. Please…" He begged weakly.

"My baby…" Mrs. Black cried, "Look what he had done to you, my poor baby…"

Regulus tried to nod, "No…" He said painfully, "I was in the air… my broom broke… I…" he found it hard to talk, "I… I held on to him, he would have pulled me up if I had asked him to, I know he would…"

"No…no…" Orion tried to calm his boy, but Regulus cut him off;

"I didn't ask him to save me when my broom broke, I remember now, I pulled him down…"

The Blacks exchanged looks.

"Please…" Regulus continued, "Please just leave him alone… he doesn't know a thing… he's no danger… please, leave him alone…" He then closed his eyes again as the pain took its toile.

Sirius never found out about the conversation his brother had with their parents that day, he never knew it was one sentence from his brother that saved his life; _He would have saved me- I pulled him down._

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Christopher and Sirius walked down the halls of Hogwards. Sirius was panting, a lump in his throat indicated to him that if he was alone right now he would have probably broke in tears.

Christopher looked at the long haired boy, "I see you haven't got a haircut yet…" He smiled.

Sirius looked at him with a confused look, "You want to talk to me about my hair?"

Christopher kept smiling, "Sirius, I know you didn't mean to hurt your brother, I would never believe Orion, there's nothing to talk about."

Sirius lowered his head, "What if I did…?" He asked timidly.

Christopher's expression changed, "What do you mean?"

Sirius took a deep breath trying to hold in the tears, "I don't know what I was thinking up there at the Quidditch game, I think I wanted to hurt him… I might have anyway, I did hurt him…"

"Did you mean to?" Christopher asked.

"I don't know…" Sirius answered shamefully.

"Well then…That's something you'll need to figure out with yourself, but in my belief I don't think you meant to hurt anybody …" Christopher said.

"So why did I?" Sirius asked in a low cracked voice.

"You we're hurt, it's only natural… and you're sorry about the outcome, or else why would you be asking me all these questions." Christopher explained.

Sirius sighed, he didn't want to dwell in these thoughts anymore, "Who called you here anyway?" He asked, changing the subject.

"James…" Christopher answered, "He predicted you might need a helping hand, clever boy my son, observetive, like his father…" Christopher winked.

Sirius felt extremely guilty, "I thought James hated me…After screwing up the match…"

"Sirius…You're like a brother to him, he couldn't hate you even if he wanted to…" Christopher said, "Besides, he doesn't… He's worried about you, we all are…"

The guilt swept over Sirius once more, would he ever have a time in his life again where he would not feel the heavy burden of guilt? How could Christopher, McGonagall, his friends, how could they all act so normal while everything was falling apart?


	13. The Final Straw

CHAPTER 13

THE FINAL STRAW

Several weeks had passed since the incident, Sirius tried to make it to class as much as possible, though the burden of thoughts running through his mind made it hard for him to keep up with school work, he still drank with Cleveland some nights, though he tried to keep it more hushed not to worry his friends, he felt like he had no choice, Alcohol and his talks with Cleveland about his fictional life we're his only escape from his gloom reality.

But to all his attempts to try to seem normal, there were still rumors going around the school, it was still hard walking down the halls without getting glares from the other students, whispering, passing notes, looking at him, he knew they were all talking about him.

And furthermore, despite Sirius's attempts to act as normal as possible around his friends, they still knew Sirius was not ok. One night while doing their potion homework, they came about talking about it, of course Sirius was nowhere in sight, he never was when they did school work.

"He's gotten even quieter then before…" Peter pointed out, "And I haven't seen him eat a thing since before that Quidditch game…"

"He's been showing up at classes though…" Remus offered a glimpse of hope.

"Yeah…right…" James sneered, "He's been sitting in class doing and saying nothing and he never does the work anyway so what's the point?"

James then looked incredibly sad.

"He's worst then he was at Christmas…" he said, "He always looks so confused and out of it…"

"It can't be easy James, with his parents, and Regulus and all that happened this year…" Remus added.

"I just don't get it…" James said, "How can someone get so messed up so fast?"

"Well, you wouldn't know would you?" Came Sirius's voice from the door. He walked in and glared angrily at his friends, "So, not only is the whole school talking about me like I'm some kind of freak, my supposedly best mates are?"

"Sirius, it's not like that…" Remus tried to explain.

"Save it Moony…" Sirius snared, "No excuses…"

"Excuses?" James asked surprised, "Are you kidding me? What's your excuse for the way you've been acting?"

Sirius raised an eyebrow, "I've been fine…"

"You call this fine?" James waved his hands at Sirius, "You're a mess! Your clothes are all hanging loose, you constantly reek of Alcohol and cigarettes, and you've been sick this year more times than in all of the years we've known each other! That's not fine; it's a fucking death wish…"

"Walk a mile in my shoes, see how it feels!" Sirius screamed, "You can try to imagine and you won't even come close to realizing what I've been through!"

Remus sighed, "You should stop feeling so sorry for yourself all the time…" he said.

Sirius glared at Remus, "Oh, should I then?" He said, "Fine Remus, since you know so much better than I, maybe I will…" and with that he walked away, slamming the door.

Remus wanted to get up and go after Sirius, but James pulled him back, "Leave it" He said, "It's 11:30, we should have been in the shrieking shack already…"

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Sirius walked the halls angrily, no one could understand, no one at all, Mr. Potter took it all too lightly, his friends made a dead man out of him, and all the students whispering in the halls, they knew less than anyone.

"What are you looking at?!" Sirius bellowed at a second year who was eyeing him, whispering to his friend. The 12 year old looked stunned and then ran away.

"You better run you little bug!" Sirius screamed after the boy, "I'll mess you up!"

_I might as well, _Sirius thought to himself, _they all think I'm insane and dangerous so I might as well give the people what they want._

Sirius felt the anger trickle in him, it was a sort of rage he hadn't felt in a while, he liked it, it gave him some amount of control over what was happening, it was a refreshing change.

Suddenly, Sirius felt something hit him in the back, it wasn't very strong, but Sirius recognized a stunning curse when he's been hit by one. He looked back and saw a terrified looking Severus Snape.

"Did you do this Snivellus?" Sirius asked, walking fast toward the Slytherin, "That was pathetic…"

Severus quivered with fear, "Y..you…" He shuddered, "You hurt Regulus!"

"Oh did I?" Sirius said obliviously, "So you thought you'd stun me and be the Slytherin hero? You pathetic maggot…" he laughed.

Snape looked down at his feet.

Suddenly Sirius had a thought. It was brilliant.

"I'll tell you what…" He told Snape, "You want to be the hero Snivellus? Let me tell you something… you know the whomping willow right?"

Severus nodded, "Yes…" He said timidly.

Sirius then whispered something in Snape's ear.

"Go there… be a fucking hero…" Sirius said and walked away.

As he walked away, Sirius smiled viciously, '_let's see you not feel sorry for yourself now, Moony.' _ He thought.

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The sound of the wolf howling, the door of the shrieking shack opening, the look on Snape's face when he realized he was led like sheep to be slaughtered, it was almost unreal.

There we're a few bangs, a sharp red light, and James, in human form, wrestled the wolf down, hitting as many Stupify curses as he could to tame the beast down.

And then, it was over in a flash.

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"Black!" Sirius heard someone call him, he fell asleep drunk in the room of requirements, he looked around him and saw the headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, and his House teacher, Professor McGonagall.

He rubbed his eyes and got up, still quit buzzed from the drinks, he thought it might be dawn still, definitely not morning yet.

"Come…" Dumbledore said simply. Sirius followed.

They led Sirius down to the hospital wing in silence, but he had a feeling he knew what this was about,

The hospital wing doors opened and they walked in, Remus Lupin was lying in bed looking exhausted and bruised, next to him was Severus Snape, looking extremely pale and in shock but very much alive, and then, he saw James, a blue bruise covered the right side of his face.

"You!" James screamed and shot out of bed, he pinned Sirius to the wall, "YOU'VE REALLY DONE IT NOW!"

McGonagall tore the boys apart, "That's enough!" she commanded.

"YOU WANKER! HOW COULD YOU!" James kept screaming with all his might even while Dumbledore was holding him back, "IT WAS OUR SECRET! WE ALL COULD HAVE DIED! YOU SHIT!"

"Severus told us you gave him the instructions to enter the shack…" McGonagall explained, "Why would you do such a thing Sirius?" She asked with pain of betray in her voice.

"I… I don't know, I don't remember, I was angry… "Sirius slurred.

"HE'S BLOODY DRUNK! UNBELIEVBLE! YOU SOLD REMUS OUT BECAUSE YOU ARE SO FUCKING BUZZED YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S RIGHT ANYMORE!" James bellowed, he looked at McGonagall, "Smell his breath, he's a fucking drunk!"

Sirius felt the need to defend himself, "I WAS ANGRY OKAY?!" He bellowed uncontrollably, "EVERYONE KEEPS TELLING ME WHAT I SHOULD DO! THE WHOLE SCHOOL IS WHISPERING BEHIND MY FUCKING BACK!" suddenly he calmed down, "And Remus…" He croaked, "Out of all of the people, fucking Remus should have understood…"

"YOU'RE INSANE!" James bellowed, but Sirius cut him off.

"He told me I should stop feeling sorry for myself… He didn't think, for one fucking lousy second how he would feel if the whole school knew about him being a werewolf, a monster, or how he would feel if he hurt someone someday…out of all of the people…Remus should have known…"

"SO YOU THOUGH TO YOURSELF; 'Oh_! Why don't I go hurt Remus too while I'm at this hurting spree'_ SO REMUS COULD KNOW HOW YOU FEEL?! " James looked at Sirius manically, "That's it! its official, YOU LOST IT!"

Sirius was out of words, James was right, _Holly crap he's right… _

"Sirius?" McGonagall called, "Sirius!"

But Sirius was too deep in his own manic thoughts to respond. _I ruin everything… _He thought.

He heard James scream somewhere while his mind exploded with thoughts, reality seemed so far away, it was completely out of reach;

"DO YOU WANT TO DRAG ALL OF US DOWN TO HELL WITH YOU?!"

"WHY DID YOU HAVE TO HURT REMUS?"

"WHY WON'T YOU ANSWER?"

"ANSWER ME!!!"

Sirius couldn't take it anymore, he ran out of the room, as fast as he could, he heard voices call after him, he was in trouble, oh dear was he in trouble, this was the final straw; he was in too deep now.


	14. How To Disappear Completely

CHAPTER 14

HOW TO DISAPPEAR COMPLETELY

He's been hurt, so he chose to hurt himself – but it didn't change a thing…So he hurt his enemies- Still no change. He lied- But it backfired each time. He told the truth- But no one could understand. And when he tried to make them understand in manic desperation, he did it in such a way that ruined everything. Sirius Black had lost everything this year; His family, his mind, his heart, his friends, his enemies, his voice, he lost everything that made him himself.

It was his entire fault, he knew it.

No one had told him to threaten his father, no one told him to take Heroin, no one told him to shut down or to hit Lucius that day on the train to school, no one told him to chase Regulus in the sky, no one told him to drink and smoke, no one told him to send Severus Snape into the shrieking shack,

IT WAS ALL HIM

'_What have I done?' _He thought, sitting in that dark alley in Hogsmede. It was raining heavily, his long black hair stuck to his face like a dark mask, he couldn't go back, not now, there was nothing left, he made sure of that. He thought about the Potters, bless them, they tried to save him, gave him a chance, Mr. Potter put his work on the line for Sirius, and what did he do? He wasted it away. He didn't deserve anybody; he just caused pain to everyone who cared about him.

There was only one thing he could do, one option left, he pulled out the needle and stretched his arm. Sweet Heroin, because Sirius knew he didn't deserve to remember, he deserved to be punished, to forget everything and everyone he ever loved, Heroin will make sure he gets what he deserves, this poison, it haunts the brain like a ghost, making sure you won't care or remember and yet you always know in the pit of your stomach, you're horrible, you will never forget you have gone wrong. Sweet Heroin.

"Don't…" said the shadow at the end of the alley, _was it an angel_? Sirius thought.

"Sirius, please don't…" the figure came closer, It was Remus Lupin, and he reached his hand so Sirius could give him the needle.

And Sirius did, he then buried his head between his knees and sobbed madly. Remus sat next to Sirius and held him, "Good…" He said, "Crying is good…"

"It's all my fault… All of it…" Sirius croaked, "I destroyed everything….What are you even doing here?" he looked at Remus with his wet swollen gray eyes.

"I came to put a stop to this, Sirius…" Remus said, "I know what you we're trying to do to me, it was stupid, you're right about that much, you we're foolish to think that I, out of all people, did not know how it feels to be judged for what I am…"

Sirius didn't say a word; he didn't know what Remus wanted him to say.

"Still…" Remus continued, "I understand better then you think I do what you're going through… When I first got bitten by the werewolf I thought that was it, I thought I was destined to be that way, to be bad… a monster, but you Sirius, you changed that… You we're the first one who found out about me- and you were never scared, it was your idea to study how to transform into an Animagus to save me from myself, and you were the first to perfect the transformation, you saved me from myself, Padfoot…"

There was a long pause in which the two boys just looked at each other.

"And now, I'm offering to save you" Remus said.

Sirius wiped his wet face, "How can I change all the bad things I've done?" he asked in a low voice, almost whispering, "I'm a monster, I can't even control it anymore… James is right, I'm out of my mind."

Remus placed a hand on Sirius's arm, "You gave me the needle didn't you? You had some control over that… and if you're a monster then what am I? I'm capable of horrible things and you don't see me running and hiding, Sirius, you can't change what you have done, all you can do is move pass that…"

Sirius swung his head back in frustration, "I can't fix it!" He said, "Whatever I try, I just can't fix it…"

Remus got up to his feet and reached his hand to Sirius, "Come on…" He said. Sirius got up and he and Remus stood face to face.

"Tell me you're sorry…" Remus said simply.

"What?" Sirius asked confused, "That won't change anything…what I've done to you, I…"

"Just do it, Sirius…" Remus cut him off.

Sirius looked Remus straight in the eye, "I'm sorry Remus…" he said.

Remus smiled, "I forgive you…"

Sirius wiped his nose on his sleeve and couldn't help but to let out a small laugh, "This is stupid…" He said, slightly embarrassed.

"And yet, you are smiling…" Remus said with a smile, "Come on Sirius, time to move on…"


	15. Normal

CHAPTER 15

NORMAL

Sirius stood in front of the mirror looking at his reflection; he placed two hands on his cheeks, pulling on his waxy pale skin, noticing how dark his eyes looked, he then looked at the pair of scissors lying in front of him on the counter, he picked them up and pulled a small part of his hair, he lifted the scissors, and cut a small piece of black hair which fell to the ground. He smiled grimly and continued to cut until the floor around him was a sea of long black hairs. He looked up to the mirror again, examining his face which he saw clearly for the first time in months, he passed a hand through his remaining hair, it was lighter, he felt like the weight of the world was lifted from his heart. He then hurried out of the bathroom and out of the dormitory, he had things to do.

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"Professor!" Sirius called after McGonagall, she stopped and Sirius caught up with her.

"What is it Sirius?" She asked noticing a slight change.

"I wanted to ask you if I could get some tutoring, before exams, I know I've been missing out a lot, but I don't want to fail… So I thought maybe I can do some extra work while serving detention?" Sirius eyed the witch, who looked confused by what he was saying, "I would assume I will be getting detention for what I did, right?"

McGonagall was shocked, she thought she would have to catch Sirius before making him serve any detention, Surprisingly, she smiled, "Yes, you will be, and yes, we can arrange for you to do some work to catch up on your studies; thankfully, you'll be having plenty of detention and plenty of time to correct your grades."

Sirius smiled back, "Thank you…" he then ran off, leaving the Professor confused to the sudden change in him.

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Sirius then entered the hospital wing, which was completely empty at the time except for one patient, Regulus Black. Sirius walked slowly to his brother's bed.

"What do you want?" Regulus asked. He looked significantly better.

"To apologize." Sirius said simply.

"For what?" Regulus asked, "I'm a death eater, I represent everything you stand against…"

Sirius shrugged, "Someday, maybe, but today I want to apologize, I'm sorry…"

Regulus smiled weakly, a smile filled with sadness, "I'm sorry too…" He said.

Sirius placed a hand on Regulus's shoulder, "Goodbye brother…" he said, and then walked away, that was the last time the two spoke. Forever.

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Sirius then walked outside, he found his three friends sitting under their favorite tree. He sat down by them. James and Peter glared at him shocked, Remus smiled.

"What the hell are you doing here?" James asked. He wasn't angry as much as he was just simply confused to see Sirius looking so normal.

"I made a choice…" Sirius said, taking an apple out of his school bag, taking a bite out of it.

"A choice…?" James raised an eyebrow.

"Yup…" Sirius said.

"That's it?" Peter asked.

"Yup…"

"Are you drunk?" James asked suspiciously.

"Nope…"

"You're too happy to be sober…." Peter pointed out.

Two fifth years passed by glaring at Sirius and whispering, he smiled.

"You're not going to chase them down and hit them?" Peter asked surprised.

Sirius shrugged, "Freedom of speech, what can I do?"

"This…is weird…" James pointed out.

"No James…" Remus said, "This… is normal."

Normal, the four marauders haven't felt normal in a while, it was strange, but something felt different for Sirius, this time he had hope, he knew they would get used to normal again. They all looked at him like he was crazy, but for once, he was okay with it, and he was going to be okay. He knew it.


	16. Star Star

CHAPTER 16

STAR STAR

School was almost out, as summer began to warm up the Hogwarts grounds, there was a silent buzz of excitement; soon they would say their goodbyes.

Exams went well for all the marauders, even for Sirius, he kept his promise to McGonagall and did extra work while serving detention.

One other improvement was Sirius's appearance, he slowly began to come around and return to his old self, he felt loads better, and most of the scars on his arms were gone, so much so he could wear a t-shirt of the first time this year.

Students stopped gossiping about him too, he noticed the more he came to class, the more he acted normal, the less people wanted to talk about him, it was a strange notion for Sirius, people we're moving on because he was moving on, such a simple notion he could not believe he hadn't thought about it before.

There was just one unresolved issue; James.

Though he talked to Sirius, he did not forgive him and there was the simple issue of broken trust, Sirius could not bring himself to apologize to James, what good would it do? James didn't trust him anyhow.

Sirius was almost done packing and ready to get on the train the next morning, he knew he would be spending summer with the Potters, after all, they we're legally his guardians now, and he wasn't 17 yet so he had nowhere else to go. He looked out of the window, spotting James sitting by the lake, looking at the sun set down. He decided this was his chance to make good with his best friend.

Sirius headed down the stairs, he then turned outside, indulging on the last ray of sun left in this day. He made his way to the lake.

James was sitting on the edge of the lake, throwing rocks into the water, he was very silent.

"Hey…" Sirius said, "Can I join you?"

"Sure…" James said.

For ten minutes they just sat there in silence, throwing rocks which bounced gracefully on the glistening water. Sirius's mind worked so fast, he didn't know what to say; he knew that feeling all too well, finally he opted with laughing.

"What?" James asked, "What's so funny?"

"Nothing…" Sirius said still smiling, "I'm racking my brain here thinking about what I should say to you but I just can't find anything good enough!"

James shrugged, "Well, what is it you want to say to me in your brain?"

Sirius paused, giving it careful thought.

"Don't think…please…" James cut off his thoughts, "Nothing good happens when you over-think…"

Sirius bit his lip nervously, "I want to say I'm sorry, but I know you have no reason to believe me…" He said truthfully.

James was silent at first, "Sorry is fine…" He then said, giving Sirius half a smile.

Sirius smiled back, he did not think about why was it so easy, how he got off the hook, how he needed to fix things to make it right, he was just happy to be there with James.

"Padfoot?" James said, Sirius turned to look at James, "I just wanted to say, I'm sorry too…"

Sirius raised an eyebrow, "What for? You didn't do anything wrong…"

"I know…" James said, "I'm just sorry you had a lousy year… and I'm glad you came through because really, I wasn't mad at you, I was just scared… I thought I lost you…"

Sirius smiled, and James continued;

"You've been my best mate since forever it seems now, when you left your parents house I thought I was never going to see you again, and then I found you, and this whole time you just kept slipping away, I thought I was going to lose you, you're my best friend, you're like a brother to me, It was all so out of control I didn't know how to get you back anymore…You changed"

Sirius threw another rock into the water, it sunk but then bounced back up- like magic.

"People don't change James…" Sirius said, "It's the way you look at things that changes, that makes you lose yourself." He paused, "I just decided to look at things from a different point of view…"

James smiled and rolled his eyes, "Whatever Padfoot, you're so philosophical these days…"

Sirius laughed and hit James playfully.

This was as normal as it could get for Sirius, he knew it might take a while before he can truly move on but he didn't mind, as long as he enjoys the ride. life wasn't normal after all, it was chaotic, erratic and changed constantly, sometimes you get lost, but once you pull through you come out stronger on the other side.

Sirius looked up to the sky as the sun set and the moon came up; he was blinded by a sudden light. He looked further up and saw it, he had found his star, and he was no longer lost.

-THE END-


End file.
